


Bloodlust

by Red__Opti



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Death, F/F, Multi, Other, Sara Lance Needs a Hug, Sara-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 18:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20625644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red__Opti/pseuds/Red__Opti
Summary: A demon bites Sara and she not only regains her own bloodlust, but also an ability to sense or incite it in others. When all seems lost, it is discovered that the Death Totem is the best way for Sara to control her new powers.Heavily inspired by the spoiler for Season 5 in which Sara Lance has superpowers. So basically this is my Ideal Season 5.More chapters should be coming every Wednesday!





	1. Prologue and Chapter 1: The Bite

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【翻译】嗜血欲望 Bloodlust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25065193) by [R_H_Felidae_Athena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_H_Felidae_Athena/pseuds/R_H_Felidae_Athena)

#  _ Four Years Ago _

_ Rip followed Sara back onto the ship. It had been a simple reconnaissance bank heist. Get in, rob the target, get out. Unfortunately, the bank had been staffed entirely by trained mercenaries. Rip had been oblivious, but Sara had known right away. For a moment, he was proud of her. This was precisely why he’d wanted her on the team. Then she violated the “no weapons” rule by throwing hidden knives at the attackers. Moment ruined. Rip had tried to stop her, but the only thing that worked was to remind her why they needed the last of her targets alive.  _

_ “What the hell happened back there?” cried the Brit, gesturing behind himself as he finally caught up to the blonde. Having just watched her expertly kill 5 people, he was careful to keep his distance.  _

_ “You know I'm a killer.” Sara snapped, storming further away from the man “That's why you put me in your little group.”  _

_ “I didn't witness just a killer at work, Sara. What I saw was an animal.”  _

_ Sara whirled around, resisting the urge to let Rip witness a killer in the first-person “You are the last person on this ship to judge anyone!”  _

_ “This is not judgment, Sara. This is concern.”  _

_ “I thought you knew how I was resurrected and…” Sara’s voice weakened “and what it did to me.”  _

_ “I know you were restored by something called the Lazarus Pit.”  _

_ “Well, apparently there's a downside to being brought back to life. My friend Thea calls it a bloodlust, and I think that's being too generous, and so is calling me an animal. I'm a monster.” _

#  1\. The Bite

_ -Present Day, 2019- _

The phone buzzed with the familiar pattern of a call from the Waverider. Sara groaned and reluctantly pulled away from Ava. 

The Director pouted at her girlfriend “Do you have to answer her?” 

“I left my team alone on a time ship for the last 13 hours.” said the Captain “Someone could literally be dead.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

Sara slid the option to answer the call “What’s happening, Gideon?”

“Captain, I’m sorry to interrupt, but there is a level 10 anachronism that requires your attention.” 

Sara rolled off of Ava and sighed “And the Legends can’t handle it without me because?” 

“Because it takes place in Nanda Parbat.” 

Sara sat up, spine completely stiff as she stared unseeing ahead. Memories of that location flooded her mind for a few moments. “Oh.” 

Ava frowned at the behavior and leaned forward to touch Sara’s shoulder “Oh?” 

“Shall I tell the team to prepare for your arrival?” 

“Yes, Gideon. I want everyone on the bridge, suited up, and strapped in before I get back.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.” 

Sara hung up the phone and continued to stare ahead, barely registering the hand resting beside her neck. 

“Sara? What’s going on?” 

“There’s a level 10 in Nanda Parbat.” 

“Nanda Parbat? Wait, that’s- that’s the League of Assassins headquarters, isn’t it?” 

“Mhm.” 

“A level 10- that could… Sara, you shouldn’t be going at all. If this thing damages too much, you might not have your League training to keep you safe. You should stay in the temporal zone until it’s taken care of.” 

“I know. I know I should,” 

Ava sighed, already defeated “But?” 

“But I can’t send my team alone. If they’re caught, they’re dead. If they can even find the door through the labyrinth.” 

“Ray and Mick have been there before, right? To get you when you were stranded?” 

“Yup. Mick the human flamethrower and Ray the overly friendly puppy. I can’t send them alone.” 

“They won’t be alone if the other Legends are there.” 

“Ava,” 

“I know! I know. Just let me be worried about you, okay?” 

Sara smiled and kissed her girlfriend’s nose “Okay.” 

— Later That Day —

“Gideon!” Ray flew into the ship, cradling a bloodied woman in his arms. She tried to maintain her composure as her blood poured from jagged tooth marks in a crescent that ran the length of her torso. “Call Ava and prep the med bay!” 

“Calling Director Sharpe.” 

“Sara’s been bitten by the demon. John couldn’t identify it, so it’s something rare. And she’s losing a lot of blood!” 

“Preparing a transfusion.” 

Ray landed outside the med bay and walked Sara in, placing her on a cot and running his gloved hand over her hair “Stay with me, Captain. Nora!” 

The witch appeared as she was called, having heard the yelling from where she’d been in the library. “What’s happening- oh my god! Sara?!” 

“I can’t help her much with the Atom suit on, but I can’t leave her alone either-“ 

“Go change.” Nora nodded, stepping up beside the Captain and beginning to set up the medical machines “I’ll stay with her.” 

“Thank you. Ava should be here any minute.” 

“What did this to her?!” 

“We don’t know yet.” 

Charlie’s voice came over the coms “We’re working on it now, Rayge!” 

Nora looked down at Sara as the Captain struggled to breathe. Gideon’s transfusion seemed to be keeping her stable, but the blood was still coming out too fast. Nora began taking off the layers of the White Canary suit. “Stay with me, Sara.” 

“Nora? Gideon said Sara was bitten?” Ava appeared behind the witch and walked toward the cot before Nora could tell her not to “How bad is- holy mother of time! Sara? Sara, can you hear me? Sara!” 

The Captain could only stare at Ava through hazy eyes and raise a pale hand a few centimeters off of the armrest. 

“It’s worse than it looks because she’s bleeding so much. Help me get her suit off so we can see the real damage, okay?” 

Ava nodded and did as Nora asked, continuing to beg the drifting Sara to answer her. 

\--- Hours Later ---

Sara had only been awake for a few moments when her team flooded the med bay to check on her. Ava, of course, never left in the first place and watched the futuristic machinery perform life-saving emergency surgery on her girlfriend. Shortly before she woke, Gideon announced that their Captain was expected to make a full recovery. 

“There’s good news!” announced the blond man striding into the medbay “And there’s bad news.” 

Charlie followed him into the room and addressed the crowd “The good news is that we found a book with a picture of the demon in it.” 

“And the bad news?” Ava asked

“It’s old as dirt and beat to hell.” John hissed and spun the book around “Zari? Can you read this?” 

“Why me?” 

“Because I can’t read Arabic and the translation bit is all muddled.”

The hacker stepped forward and read aloud the title at the top of the page. “Alraghbat fi aldami.”

“Bitten by Death.” Sara translated, shocking the newer Legends with her fluency 

“Yeah,” Zari managed to push aside her excitement at the reveal and focus on the problem at hand. She fixed her eyes on the battered page again, straining to read the ancient text “He who is Bitten by Death will become it.” 

“Become the demon?” Nate guessed

Zari shook her head. “Become Death.” 

Ava frowned “What the hell does that mean?” 

“I don’t know, it doesn’t say.” 

“You mean to tell me there isn't even a full fifty words on that page?” 

“I’m reading everything I can, Ava! It mostly seems to be a description of the thing. The rest is illegible.” 

Sara cleared her throat and spoke in a weak voice “Babe,” 

“And you don’t have any other books?” The Director rounded on the warlock “Any other sources that reference this monster?” 

“Aves,” 

John shrugged with his palms up “I’ve searched everything I’ve got, Pet.” 

“Then search again!” 

“Ava,” 

“Gideon? Have you found anything yet?” 

“I’m scanning all of recorded human history. I’m afraid it’s going to take more than a few moments.” 

“Dammit!” Ava raised her wrist and spoke into the device she wore “Gary, I want you and Mona to comb through the Bureau archives. Bring me anything that seems even remotely relevant. Nate, go with them to supervise.” 

“Ava, honey-“

“Nora, go back to Constantine’s and help him search through his books again.” 

“Ava-“

“Ray, I want you to stay near the center console and wait for an update from Gideon. Any lead she gives you, even the slightest shred, I want you to follow up on it until there’s nothing left.” 

“Babe, please-“ 

“Zari, Mick, and Charlie: go back to where Sara was bitten and see if you can find anything. Maybe this demon has friends nearby.” 

Charlie frowned “And how d’you propose we get back in?” 

“You’re a shapeshifter and two totem bearers. Figure it out!” 

“ _ Ava _ !” Sara snarled, grabbing the other woman’s arm and whipping her around to face the bed

“Ow! Sara, you’re hurting me!” 

The Captain froze. Red. She was seeing red. It was fading now, but she was sure it had been there. She knew what that meant.  _ Alraghbat fi aldami. Bloodlust. He who is Bitten by Death will become it.  _ She released Ava’s arm and sat up as much as she could. 

“New objective. I need everyone looking up everything they can find about Lazarus pits, Lazarus water, and bloodlust.” Sara paused to look directly at Zari “Alraghbat fi aldami.” 

The hacker nodded her understanding. 

Sara addressed the group again “It’s connected somehow, I can feel it.” 

“Sara, are you sure?” Ava asked, trying to be subtle as she massaged the sore spot on her arm “I trust your instincts, but what if they can’t find anything and we end up wasting too much time?” 

“Then look up both. We’ll probably find it faster that way, to be honest. They’re linked, Ava. I can’t explain how I know, but I need you to believe me.” 

“Of course. I’m in your corner. Always.” 

“Good.” Sara looked from her girlfriend to her friends “I know you’re all exhausted, and I know I may seem invincible, but I’m not, and I have no interest in dying again so please, for me, work as fast as you can. And stay focused.” 

The Legends responded in various affirmatives and hurried off. 

Ava held her girlfriend’s hand and tried not to show her terror as she sat on the stool beside the cot. “How are you feeling?” 

“Sweaty as hell. Seriously, no one should ever be this sweaty if they’re not getting a really good orgasm out of it.” 

Ava couldn’t fight the chuckle that came. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah! It’s gross, and I’m not even having fun or earning it.” 

“Let’s just focus on getting you better.”

“Good plan.” 

Sara closed her eyes and let her body relax. Her mind, on the other hand, was tenser than ever. She knew what she  _ should _ be doing. She  _ should _ be pushing Ava away and telling Gideon to activate the command Mike Echo Delta Charlie Alpha Golf Echo. She  _ should _ be putting herself in medical quarantine and staying there. But she couldn’t. Ava’s hand on her own and the steady, loving look in the other woman’s eyes were the only things keeping Sara sane. 

Still… That red in her vision. That vice grip she’d had on her lover’s arm. That flare of primal fury in her chest. She knew what it all meant. She was staring down the barrel of her own best weapon. She was terrified. The last time her bloodlust had taken over... She couldn’t let that happen again. She wasn’t sure she would be strong enough to stop it. Gideon’s second round of sedatives kept her from being able to think about it any further. 


	2. Turn of Events

#  2\. Turn of Events

When Sara woke, she blinked until she could clearly see her surroundings. The med bay had emptied out except for Ava, who was slumped forward on Sara’s cot, snoring slightly. The Captain moved as quietly as she could to activate her earpiece and whisper “Gideon?” 

“Yes, Captain?” 

“I’m feeling way better now. Am I crazy?” 

“No, Captain. Your vitals have returned to normal and your mental state does not appear ‘crazy’ to me.”

Sara smiled toward the ceiling “Thanks.”

“Mhm,” grumbled the sleeping Director 

“Aves?” Sara shook the other woman by the shoulder “Ava, wake up.” 

“Hm? Sara? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine! Gideon just cleared me. I’m back to normal and everything.” 

“Holy sh- are you sure?” 

“I promise!”

“And just in time, too.” came the disembodied voice of the AI “It appears Charlie, Miss Tomaz, and Mister Rory are being pursued by members of the League.” 

Sara jumped down from the cot before Gideon could fully finish her sentence “That’s my cue!” 

“Whoa, Sara, wait!” Ava stood in front of the door “Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. Gideon just cleared me. You heard her. So now, I’m gonna put on some real clothes and help my team.” 

Ava watched the other woman walk around her and disappear down the hall. The scars from the bite were still freshly red on her freckled skin. 

—-

Sara saw the mob from her vantage point, just slightly higher up the mountainside. There were at least 4, maybe 5, armed people chasing her crew. Sara watched and waited, relying on the element of surprise. She gripped her weapon tighter as they drew closer and closer.

“Blondie!”

“Oi, Cap!” 

“Sara! Sara, stop!”

She heard the voices calling, but didn’t understand that they were talking to her. Not in the moment anyway. Not until after the blood splatter on her face brought her back to herself and she realized  _ who  _ was talking. Then she realized  _ why _ . 

The League members, there had been six of them, were spread all over the snow, drenching the mountain in various fluids that ran from their destroyed bodies. Sara wondered if they were even identifiable. She looked up at her team members and saw their fear, laced with faint undertones of concern. 

“Go back to the ship.” 

Charlie gestured to the bodies “What the hell just happened?” 

“I’ll explain later. Go back to the ship.”

“You’ll explain now! What kind of savagery-“

“I said go!” Sara’s vision flashed scarlet and she tore her gaze away.  _ Don’t hurt them. _ She took a deep breath to calm down. “I’ll walk in front if you don’t trust me to follow, but we need to get the hell out of here.” 

“Where is it?” Mick grunted, aiming his gun at the Captain “Show me the totem and I won’t shoot.” 

“Mick, if I had the totem, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now.” 

He grunted and lowered the weapon, only slightly. “Lead the way, Captain.”

Sara walked past her crew, guiding them back to the ship with her blood-stained hands raised at either side of her head. 

—-

“It was amazing! And bloody terrifying. And just plain bloody! She was like an animal or a machine! At one point, she had a guy’s two knives in one hand and she just gutted him like a fish!” Charlie mimed the action as she described “Had his hair in her free hand and just ripped him open, nuts to throat! Totally wicked.”

“Thank you, Charlie, for that descriptive explanation.” Ray did his best to hide his disgust as he turned to the woman across the room from the others “Sara?” 

The Captain leaned forward onto the map table and looked away from her crew “I don’t know what happened. I… I blacked out.”

“Blacked out?” 

“Yeah. One minute, I’m approaching the situation, the next I’m getting a stranger’s blood in my mouth and I don’t know what happened in between. I don’t remember gutting a man like a fish, or killing any of the others.” 

“And we still don’t know why this happened? Why you lost control?” 

“No, Nate. We don’t.” 

“Wait, am I the only one who thinks it’s obvious?” The rest of the group turned to face Zari as she spoke “Sara was in Nanda Parbat, where she learned how to be a killer, and she was up against men who would’ve killed us if she hadn’t stopped them. It seems like The Fight Response mixed with some good old fashioned Pavlovian conditioning.” 

“That’s a great theory, Z, but it doesn’t explain the blackout.” 

“Technically, it’s a hypothesis, not a theory.” 

Nate patted Ray on the shoulder as the scientist mumbled to himself “Let it go, buddy.” 

Zari shrugged and took a few steps into the room, sitting down on the nearest chair and trying to convey calm “I don’t have an explanation for that, but if you’re worried about it, you can always have Gideon check you over.” 

“She cleared me this morning right before I went out.” 

“Then why worry? It was just a slip. You’ll bounce back, you always do.” 

Sara smiled at the other woman’s casual support. “Thanks, Z.” 


	3. Mission Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up: a minor antagonist character's suicide is mentioned toward the end of this chapter. Hella brief, just one line, but I figured it was better safe than sorry.

#  3\. Mission Control

Failure One

It didn’t matter that the rest of her team couldn’t see it. Their informant had a dark look in his eyes, a look that put Sara on edge. She knew what it meant. She knew what he wanted. She wouldn’t let him have it. Even when her team outvoted her and walked themselves right into a trap, Sara wouldn’t let him hurt her family. The Legends were outnumbered, but their attackers were outgunned. Still, the leader had that look in his eyes. Then, Sara realized what the real trap was. The Legends had been fought into the middle of the warehouse, directly under a suspiciously heavy tarp, and the dark-eyed man was holding some sort of wired mechanism. A detonator.  _ Oh, hell no.  _

When she came to, Sara was standing over his body. Or what was left of it. Cutting his hand off to make sure he couldn’t release the button was sensible. Breaking the rest of his arm in several places so that the bones stuck up like turrets on a wall… that was overkill. So was whatever she’d done to the men around her. The Legends had killed on a mission before, but only when they had to. Even Mick made sure that his  _ literal flame thrower _ was used more like a stun tactic than a murder weapon. Rip had made it clear to Sara that he wasn’t starting a time-traveling League of Assassins, and that killing was meant to be a last resort. Sara wondered what Rip would say if he could see what she’d just done. 

“Captain?” Ray took a hesitant step toward Sara, his blaster humming with a low-intensity pulse rather than its normally dormant state. “Maybe you should head back to the ship. I think we can handle it from here, and you seem a little-”

“Yeah, message received, Ray.” she snapped, wiping her face to clear away the sweat and blood around her eyes. “Get back in a few hours, or I’ll let Ava send her goons to help wrap things up.” 

“Aye aye,” said the engineer, stepping aside to let Sara leave the building the way they came in. 

The captain avoided eye contact with everyone as she passed them. She could already feel their piteous gazes, she didn’t need to see them as well. 

Failure Two

Her job this time was just surveillance. She wouldn’t be anywhere near the action, so she couldn’t possibly hurt anyone.  _ Just watch the guy’s sons and make sure they stay away from the lobby.  _ Charlie was a good enough actor to fool a man’s staff, but not his sons. All Sara had to do was make sure that they never had the chance to screw things up. She was nearby, posing as one of the inspectors for the company’s newest wing. She would walk around, following the sons as discreetly as possible, holding her clipboard and checking that doors were secured properly. 

The sons never noticed her. They were far too busy bickering about how to incorporate the next phase of construction into the new wing after some of the design plans had gone sideways… Sara stopped hearing it after a while. She was too distracted by the chatter in her earpiece. Their target’s wife had made a surprise appearance and the Legends were pulling out all the stops to keep her away from Charlie. 

“She’s headed east.” 

“I can’t tell which way is east in here, Haircut.” 

“It’s left, Mick.” 

“Your left or my left?” 

“Why would it be my left? You can’t even see which way I’m facing?” 

“Oh, for God’s sake, Mick.” Zari hissed “It’s this way! Just shut up and follow me.”

“Why should I trust you?” 

“Because I have to know the cardinal directions in order to know where Mecca is, you prick.” 

“Guys, this isn’t helping!” came Nate’s urgent whisper

Sara felt her shoulders tensing as her team continued. She stopped at a double-doored conference room and pretended to inspect the frame as the brothers stood in the middle of the hallway and shouted over one another. One brother made eye contact with Sara through her fake glasses and time seemed to slow. 

She could’ve sworn she was in his head for a moment, whispering her frustrations into his mind, before returning to her body. His eyes went dark, irises overtaken by the black of his pupils, then he grabbed his brother by the throat. Sara watched in horror as the siblings began to beat each other, every blow increasing in strength and devastation. 

Several other businessmen and contractors rushed over to pry the two apart, only to be thrown off with skills far beyond the brothers’ background. 

Sara stepped backward, fading into the mob of bystanders as she activated her earpiece. “Guys, we have a problem.” 

“Sara, what did you do?” 

“ _ I didn’t do anything, John.  _ But these brothers are taking out way too much anger on each other. Someone’s gonna come tell Charlie in the next few minutes, no doubt. We have to get out of here.” 

“Meet us at the West exit.” 

“That’s the opposite of East, Rory.” 

“Buzz off, Trenchcoat.” 

Sara silenced her communications device and ran for the rendezvous point. There was no way a sibling squabble could possibly be her fault, yet she still felt heavily responsible. Logically, she knew it was ridiculous. She hadn’t done anything to those men. Or had she? The memory of light brown eyes turning midnight black crossed her mind and filled her with dread. Maybe she hadn’t  _ meant  _ to do anything, but something had definitely happened. Something that started the moment one of the brothers looked Sara in the eyes. Perhaps logic had nothing to do with it. 

Failure Three

Sara growled under her breath as their target ran into the overcrowded City Zoo. “Fan out. Find him. Don’t let him hurt any civilians.” 

Her team responded in understanding and accordance, then she lost them in the mass of people around her. She hadn’t seen any of them head down the center path, probably leaving that to her, so she set off. The crowd around the penguin enclosure was mostly children, and the few men Sara saw did not look like her mark, so she scanned the passersby. Two of the bigger penguins began screaming at one another, flapping their little arms with increasing aggression, and the crowd surged forward for a better view. Sara broke away from the mob and moved on to the pond where ducks and flamingos seemed to be squabbling over territory. The foliage in the area made it difficult to pick any one face out of the crowd. Sara moved on, reaching the center of the zoo, where the path branched off toward the African-native animals. The ostriches began to run around their enclosure as fast as they could, startling the zookeepers that seemed to be in the middle of some kind of presentation about the large birds. The animals kicked at their handlers, startling the audience into taking a few paces back. One man didn’t move at all, giving Sara a clear view of him. She touched her earpiece “I’ve got eyes.” 

“Where are you?” 

“Dead center of the place. On the bird path.” 

“Headed your way.” 

Sara locked eyes with the man she was watching and internally flinched. Her target took off at a run, deeper into the zoo, and she sprinted after him. “Dammit. I’ve been made! He’s heading for the aviary!” 

“The what?” 

“Giant glasshouse for birds.” 

Sara dodged clusters of families, strollers, and wagons as she tried to keep her target in her line of sight. She watched him shove his way through the crowd, violently knocking into anyone between him and his destination. His method was faster than hers, and Sara briefly flashed back to chasing a man through a market near Nanda Parbat; she had had so little regard for the destruction in her wake as she hunted her prey.  _ Being the good guy sucks.  _

By the time she burst into the main chamber of the aviary, her target had a lead of several yards. For all she knew, he could be out the other side by now. That was for her approaching team to figure out. She just had to find him before he realized how cornered he was and did something to put civilians in danger. She scanned the crowd and cautiously walked further into the glass building. Birds screamed around her in the layers of the enclosure where they roamed. Sara found herself in the middle of the structure, standing just behind a crowd of children as a zookeeper held a nest on display. 

“These eggs are due to hatch today,” said the zookeeper “They’re a very rare species of canary. The Crested Canary usually only lays one egg per day, but these two darker ones here both showed up overnight.” 

The eggs began to rock in place, some forming cracks and others falling on their sides. The children gasped and Sara froze. She watched the baby birds burst out of their shells and begin trying to move about on their new legs. They shoved into one another and stepped on their siblings and chirped in their little high pitched voices. Sara started to smile at the sight, then heard her target curse loudly and run back into the room where she stood. She turned from him to the zookeeper and said “get everyone out of here. Now!” 

“I beg your pardon,” 

“There’s no time to explain. Just go. Go!” 

The fugitive looked frantically at the exits and Sara realized that her team had secured all of them. She was proud of their success. 

Then the target realized what his options were. He grabbed a young boy, likely only 14 or 15, and raised his gun to the child’s head. “Let me go or I’ll shoot him!”

The zookeeper realized how serious the situation was and handed the nest to her assistant before rushing the group of children to an exit and yelling for other guests to evacuate as well. 

The hostage’s friends stood nearby in shock, their friend doing his best not to panic in the armed man’s grasp. 

Sara looked at the boy’s group and motioned for them to back away. They shuffled a few steps back but stayed close by. Sara waited until the building was empty of everyone else before putting her hands up and taking a step forward. “Let him go.” 

“No! I did what I had to do!” 

“I understand that. But no one is going to have any sympathy for you if you kill a child.” 

The target’s grip on the boy tightened “I won’t have to if you let me go!” 

“He doesn’t have to be part of this.” Sara gestured to the cluster of teen boys nearby as she walked past them “Let him leave with his friends. I’ll be your hostage if you want. Just let him go.” 

The birds overhead drowned out his response. Their calls became more frantic and some of the males began to attack each other. 

Sara stepped forward a bit more. “I think you and I both know that you’re not leaving here with a civilian hostage. My team has the building surrounded.” 

“They wouldn’t fight me while I’ve got a gun to a kid’s head.” 

“Heatwave might.” 

“Who?” 

“Doesn’t matter.” Sara crossed more of the space between them, speaking louder as the animals screeched “Let him go.” 

“No.” 

“ _ Let go of the kid _ .” 

“No! Come any closer and I’ll shoot him!” 

Sara heard his voice in her mind “We can’t all make it out of here alive” 

She saw his eyes go dark, just as the informant’s had, and the CEO’s son. She surged forward and pulled the boy by his shirt. “You’re not hurting him!” 

The teen stumbled into Sara, giving her just enough time to cover his eyes before the fugitive shot himself. 

The rest of the mission was a blur. The time bureau agents showed up to clean the scene and edit memories. Sara remembered slipping away from the chaos and meeting her team at the Waverider, but the details were a mess in her mind. She spent the rest of the evening in silence as the team relaxed. After dinner, she retreated to her room and hid there for the rest of the night. 

The dream started off as a replay of the mission. Blow by blow, as if Sara had been wearing a camera the entire time. Then the gun went off and time slowed. As Sara opened her eyes within the dream, she saw the bird’s nest full of eggshells and baby canaries. The dark eggs had finally hatched, and from them emerged a pair of birds, one fully black and one completely white. It was only after Sara bolted awake that she recalled the horror of the nest; all the other chicks had gone completely still and the white canary walked on their corpses. For the first time in far too long, Sara allowed herself to curl up and cry. 


	4. Hiding

#  4\. Hiding

It had been four anachronisms. It was hard to keep track of time any other way in the temporal zone. It had been four missions since Sara was bitten and she still felt no closer to having her bloodlust back under control. Sure, her instincts about who would attack or betray or try to kill the Legends were spot on, but that only seemed to make it harder to control her murderous urges. Even when she wasn’t the one doing the killing, her mere presence seemed to be enough to start a fight to the death. Her presence and a bit of eye contact. 

The Legends were under the impression that she and Ava were working on a solution, but the truth was that Sara hadn’t told Ava anything. She avoided both her girlfriend and her team, choosing to spend her time alone in the storage space that only the Captain could access. Gideon was forbidden to tell the crew about it, so if they tried to find Sara in her room, Gideon could only say that Sara wasn’t there. Ava couldn’t portal into it, so she just had to take Sara at her word when her girlfriend lied about being on a mission. Sara knew it was only a matter of time before some discrepancy in the paperwork alerted the director, but until that happened, she would make the most of her solace. 

No amount of meditating seemed to help. She had killed again. And again. And again. And again. She couldn’t get the images out of her mind. She couldn’t seem to get the blood out of her fingernails either.  _ It’s just the funk of nearly dying in Nanda Parbat. That’s all. There’s nothing sinister going on. _ She knew she was lying to herself.

She tried to think of the last time she’d felt so out of control. A black amulet came to mind, the weight of it still a memory in the skin of her chest. That was different. That was the pull of the Totem itself and the influence of Mallus. Yet they hadn’t been acting on a blank slate. The Demon was drawn to her because of the darkness in her, and the Totem for the same reason. She could blame the outside forces all she wanted, it didn’t change the truth; Sara was a killer because of Sara. Not because of the Death Totem or because of some interdimensional monster. Sara herself  _ was  _ the monster. Sara herself  _ was  _ Death.

When she opened her eyes, she almost screamed. The Death Totem was there, resting in the palms of her hands. She didn’t remember standing up, or walking across the small space, or freeing the totem from its prison. She dropped it back into the box and slammed the lid, entering the lock code with shaking hands and backing away on trembling legs.

_ No. _ Sara took a breath and forced her body to relax.  _ No. I am not death. I am not a monster. And I will not become them, either. _

\---  _ Meanwhile, at the Time Bureau  _ \---

“Ava?” 

The Director looked up from her computer and smiled “Nora! This is a surprise. I thought all the Legends were out on a mission.” 

“Yeah, that’s why we’re here.” Nora stepped into the room a little more, giving Ray the space to come through the door after her. “We need to talk.” 

Ava frowned at the pair and nodded. “Okay. Close the door and have a seat.” 

—-

“Wait, so, Sara’s been lying? To all of us?” 

Nora shrugged “Seems that way.” 

“And you’re sure she hasn’t just been visiting her family or anything?” 

“Positive.” 

Ava leaned back in her armchair and sighed. She ran a hand through her hair, but nothing seemed to help her relax. Sara had been lying and disappearing and  _ killing again  _ and lying and disappearing to cover it up. “How long has this been going on?” 

“Since the mission in Nanda Parbat.” 

“She didn’t kill anyone in Nanda Parbat. She almost got killed.” 

Ray and Nora exchanged a glance. 

“Oh. What else didn’t she tell me?” 

Nora looked down at her hands as Ray cleared his throat. “Mick, Charlie, and Zari were being chased out by six members of the League.”

“I remember that.” 

“So Sara went out to help them because she knew the land best and would be least noticeable traveling alone.” 

“Yeah, so far I know all of this.” 

Nora looked up and cut Ray off “She killed all six of them. Violently. They weren’t even highly trained members. They were guards. She could’ve stopped them, one-handed, without killing a single one, but she wiped them out.” 

Ava swallowed hard and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. She didn’t know what to say. “We have to talk to Sara.” 

“That’s why we’re here.” Ray smiled “We figured you’re the person she’s least likely to lash out at. If anyone’s gonna lead this intervention, it has to be you.” 

Ava nodded and tried to think of the best way to approach the situation. “I think we should keep the others out of this. Inform them, of course, but they don’t need to be present. The fewer people, the better.” 

“Glad we agree on that.” Nora looked around the office. “Should we invite her here, or meet somewhere neutral?” 

“No, I think we should go to her.” 

“Problem is,” Ray shrugged a little “We don’t know where she is.” 

“We know she has to come back to the Waverider eventually.” 

\-- Several Hours Later --

Sara strode into her office and froze at the sight that greeted her. Nora and Ray were on her couch, facing Ava where she sat in the nearest chair. They were talking quietly and all reacted to Sara’s presence with visible tension. 

“Hey, babe. Do you have a minute to sit and talk with us?” 

Sara moved carefully to the seat near the door. Ava had tried her best to speak in a casual tone, but the Captain had seen through it with ease. This wouldn’t be a normal, friendly chat. She wasn’t even sure it would be about a mission or anything work-related. 

“Listen, Sara, you have every right to your own privacy, even more so as the Captain, but there are some things that you shouldn’t be keeping to yourself.” Ava squirmed in her chair “Especially when you have to lie to us to keep them.” 

_ Dammit.  _ The other shoe had finally decided to drop, and Sara felt her heart race in response. “Look, Ava-”

“Actually, Captain,” interrupted Ray “We all get to share our thoughts and feelings first, then you’ll have the chance to respond.” 

Sara gripped the wooden armrests and nodded.  _ Just play along. It’ll give you time to figure a way out of this.  _

“I know I’m still new to this team,” Nora began, holding her own hands a little too tightly “And, I know it’s probably extra hypocritical coming from me, of all people, to say any of this, but… I think- we, the Legends - think that you might not be as in control of your dark side as you’d like to think. It’s been putting a lot of missions in jeopardy and some members of the crew have expressed… fear.” 

“Which isn’t to say that we don’t trust you!” Ava clarified “We all have faith in your ability to control yourself, we just think that, maybe, your usual methods aren’t working this time.” 

“And we don’t want you to have to come up with anything new on your own.” Ray gave his most supportive smile to his Captain “We all want to help you, however we can.” 

“Just please, please, don’t feel like you have to lie to everyone again.” Ava leaned toward Sara’s chair but hesitated to reach out across the few inches between them “Especially to me. I’m always on your side, you know that.” 

“I know.” Sara nodded, glancing at Ava’s eyes for only a second before looking away again. 

“It’s your turn now if you want.” 

“Thanks, Ray.” Sara inhaled slowly and exhaled all at once. “God, I wish I knew what to say. I… I barely know what’s going on, let alone what will help fix it.” 

“That’s okay!” he said, jumping to his feet and circling the map table. “We can brainstorm.” 

Sara put a hand to her forehead “Ray,”

“Maybe we could have a safe word.” Ray circled the table once, twice, as he spoke: “So when you feel it coming on, we can remove you from the situation.” 

“That’s not really how it-”

“Oh!” His pace increased, lapping the room several more times “Or we can use Zari’s software and Gideon’s mind-reaching-thing to run a few simulations. See if we can determine a trigger.” 

“It’s not something we can-”

“Unless a controlled environment wouldn’t be enough to bring it out.” 

Sara felt her body itching to jump up every time the pacing man walked in front of her. She didn’t know what she’d do once she was standing, but she couldn’t imagine it would be very good. “Ray, stop.” 

“I guess we could just set you loose in Nazi Germany; it’s not like any of those guys will be missed.” 

Ava used her warning tone “We will not be causing an anachronism just to study Sara’s condition.” 

“No, you’re right, Director. I was just spitballing. Scrap the Germany idea. Terrible vacation spot.” Ray perked up and began walking even faster “Hey! Maybe that’s it! I bet the Captain is just stressed, and a good vacation would help.” 

Sara took a breath to respond, but Nora beat her to it. 

“I don’t think bloodlust is the kind of thing a spa can cure.” 

“That’s because it can’t be c-”

“A cure! Of course!” Ray was practically running laps at this point “We just need to find a cure! Last time I spoke to Felicity, she gave me a rundown on everything Team Arrow has been up to, and I’m almost positive she mentioned something about Roy and a Lazarus Pit. I should call her and ask about it. Gideon?” 

“ _ Enough! _ ” 

Ava watched with her heart in her throat as Sara stood and punched an approaching Ray directly in the face. The tall man collapsed, unconscious on impact, and lay in a heap near Sara’s feet. Sara herself didn’t seem phased by what she’d done, or gasps of the women behind her. Their questions fell on deaf ears as Sara grabbed a pen from the table and began to raise it above her head as she knelt toward Ray. 

If Nora hadn’t used her magic to launch the pen across the room, it would’ve been lodged in Ray’s neck. Her next spell was to put Sara to sleep, letting the blonde fall beside her would-be victim. 

Ava and Nora rushed to their respective lovers and checked them over. 

Ava watched her friend fix Ray’s nose with a few words as she held Sara in her arms. “What the hell just happened?” 

“Exactly what we’ve been talking about.” 

“No. No way,” Ava looked down at her girlfriend, then back up at Nora. “She wasn’t even being attacked.”

“I know.” 

“She wasn’t in any danger!” 

“I know.”

“She just… God, what is happening?”

Ray coughed as he woke up, hands going to his nose and holding it instinctively “She broke it! She broke my nose.” 

“I fixed it, you’re okay now.” Nora promised, helping him into a sitting position and checking the back of his head for any injuries “You’re okay.” 

“Were you serious about calling Felicity?” 

Ray looked over at Ava and nodded, letting go of his nose and flexing the muscles around it. “Yeah. Want me to do that now?” 

“After you change your shirt. There’s a little blood- right there, yeah.” 

“Dammit,” he grumbled, letting Nora help him to his feet 

“I’ll get him changed and we’ll call Team Arrow from his room,” said the Witch, “Zari should have the cage set up in the lab. Can you get her there yourself?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got her.” Ava looked down again, her heart broke as she realized just how much Sara had been hiding from her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are kindness!


	5. The Call

#  5\. The Call

And so it was decided. Sara would stay in the lab cage overnight, sleeping on the cot, waiting for the team to bring her food and let her out the next morning. The worst part wasn’t the cage or the stiffness of her new bed or even the constant monitoring, but rather the look on Ava’s face as she returned to the Bureau. An optimistic voice in Sara’s mind tried to convince her that Ava was just worried about her girlfriend, but Sara was unconvinced. She couldn’t shake the idea that Ava, and everyone else, was deeply disappointed in Sara’s lack of self-control. The Captain fell asleep, alone, and filled with thoughts of letting everyone down. 

“Get up.” 

Sara blinked her eyes open. That voice. She knew that voice. 

“Ta-er al Sahfer, get up.” 

Sara sat up and spun around. “Nyssa? What are you doing here?” 

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” 

“This is my ship.” 

“And this cell? This is where you normally sleep?” 

“Stop it, Nyssa. I'm here for everyone’s protection.” 

“Protection?” 

“I can’t stop killing. I nearly stabbed Ray!” 

“So they’re being protected from your lack of control? From your weakness?” 

“Stop.” 

“Or what? What will you do to me from there?” 

Sara watched Nyssa move to the control panel. “Don’t. Nyssa, don’t touch that.” 

“You’re afraid of yourself?” 

“I’m weak, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m weak, and I know that. Just put the tablet down.” 

“No.” 

“Nyssa, please.” 

“No.” 

“You don’t know what you’re doing-”

“No, Sara, I do. You’re the one who’s lost. And if you’d be quiet, I could help you find your way again.” 

“Not like this. Nyssa, please.” 

The assassin’s gloved hands danced over the screen, disabling the shield that held Sara in. “This way.” 

“Nyssa,” 

“You can either follow me and learn control, or you can stay and become the thing you fear most.” 

Sara looked down at her body, now dressed in the attire of the League. Bile rose in her throat. “Nyssa,”

“I won’t wait forever.” 

Sara looked up to see Nyssa now standing in the hallway. She ran after the other woman, relieved to find that her robes had become her pajamas again. Nyssa stopped outside of the Captain’s storage space. It was much closer to the Lab than Sara remembered. Nyssa opened the door with ease and stepped inside. 

“Stay there.” 

Sara found herself rooted to the spot. “Nyssa? Nyssa, what are you doing? Why are you here? Who called you?” 

“You did,” said Sara’s own voice, echoing back to her from inside the space. Out stepped a version of Sara that the Captain often tried to forget. “You’ve been calling out to me, and I’ve been calling back, but you haven’t embraced that connection. How come?” 

Sara tore her eyes away from The Canary. “I’m not playing this game again.” 

“Of course not.” the black-clad apparition began to walk past Sara “You’d rather struggle to swim than accept the life preserver that’s right in front of you.” 

“Last time I accepted help while swimming, I ended up on Ivo’s ship. Pick a different metaphor next time, you stupid trinket.” 

The past Sara laughed, hollow and echoing. “I know what I said, and I know what you need. You’ll realize it in due time. But for now…” 

Sara looked behind herself, trying to see the other Sara, only to find that she was standing in the cage once more. She looked forward again, where the ghost of herself stood and held the Death Totem out to her, like an offering. 

“Last chance, Lance.” 

“Go away.” 

The Totem was pulled back. “You’ve known what this is since day one. You’ve always known. When you’re ready to admit that, I’ll be here.” 

“ _ Go away! _ ” Sara screamed as she woke up on the cot. It was morning, based on the brightness of the lights in the room. She ran her hands over her face, trying to push away the memories of the dream.  _ It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real.  _ There was no reason for Sara to dwell on any part of it. It was just her subconscious being a dick. Still, it had at least one good idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	6. Expertise

#  6\. Expertise

Sara looked up from the worn wooden table as the tavern door swung open. It was clear from the reaction of the patrons that they recognized the woman they were seeing, but they hadn’t expected to see her here. Some gave her plenty of space, others tried to seem soberer than they were, and the rest tried not to draw her attention to themselves. Her dark eyes swept over the small crowd until they landed on the only other woman present. 

Nyssa al Ghul walked toward Sara with a stoic expression and precise movements. She pulled out her own chair and sat down, all without taking her gaze from the blonde’s face. “I thought I’d never see you again.” 

“I hadn’t planned on it.” 

“Then what’s changed?” 

“I need your help.” 

Nyssa almost scoffed.  _ Of course _ . “I see.” 

“Please don’t act like that. I’m not using you like Oliver. He stayed away because he didn’t care, and I stayed away because you and I both care too much.”

“Either way, I’m left alone. Again.” 

“I’ve spent the last several years trying not to kill anymore. Trying to do good and save the world.” 

“As have I.” 

Sara tried not to let her shock show on her face. She couldn’t imagine Nyssa resisting the urge to kill for that long. “Really?”

“Thea Queen and Roy Harper have helped me find and destroy the remaining Lazarus Pits. I’m training Oliver’s daughter to take on his legacy. I’ve disbanded the League and I’m trying to find out how ‘normal’ people live.” 

“That’s… That’s amazing, Nyssa. I’m really proud of you.” 

“Mhm.” Nyssa crossed her arms and looked Sara over. The smaller woman was unwell, that much Nyssa could see for herself. She wasn’t even sitting with the posture of someone who had undergone years of formal martial arts training. Nyssa’s pride was hurt, no doubt, but her heart still beats for Sara Lance. Nothing would ever change that. “How can I help you?”

Sara moved her hands from her lap to the tabletop, leaning closer to keep their conversation private. “What do you know about the first Lazarus Pit?” 

Nyssa tensed. “Why?” 

“I’m not trying to make one, or use one, or find another one. Nothing like that. I…” Sara watched Nyssa relax, just slightly “Do you know if a being, or creature not of this world, a demon had anything to do with it?” 

Nyssa’s dark brows furrowed and she leaned in “Who told you that?” 

“No one.” Sara pulled back and began to lift her shirt, revealing the large half-circle of tooth marks on her torso “I learned of its existence when it tried to have me for dinner.” 

Nyssa inhaled sharply; not quite a gasp, but still too audible to conceal from Sara. “Beloved, I- Sara… How were you bitten by this monster?” 

Sara lowered her shirt and let out a nervous chuckle “Believe it or not, I’ve been saving the world with time travel.” 

Nyssa turned her head to the right, raising a skeptical brow. “Time travel?” 

“I know, it sounds insane, but it’s true.” Sara pulled a ring from her pocket and held it out toward Nyssa 

Nyssa’s hands rushed forward to cup the other woman’s pale fingers “Sara, please! You know that can’t leave the compound!” 

“I also know that you destroyed it.” 

Nyssa blinked at the object, then at Sara. “How do you have this?” 

“I borrowed it from the man who forged it. Don’t worry, I’ll give it back.” 

Nyssa watched Sara put the ancient jewelry back into her pocket. She stared in wonder at the sullen woman across from her. “And this is what you need my help with? Something to do with the history of the League?” 

“Something to do with the history of the Lazarus Pits. Their origin has something to do with the demon that bit me.” 

Nyssa had shown her hand and they both knew it. She pursed her lips and leaned closer to Sara. “Legend has it that the pits are all that remains when you kill the demon. The first Ra’s tracked the species’ movements through this world and found that they tend to follow Ley Lines. They can only be killed or breed at specific intersections of these lines, which made them corporeal. The first Ra’s followed one to the crossing in Nanda Parbat and slew it, creating the pit there. The League has always claimed that it was the first of such pits, but stories about Fountains of Youth existed before it.” 

“Has anyone ever been bitten by one before?” 

“This is all conjecture, passed down by word of mouth over hundreds of years, at least,” 

“Nyssa,” 

She pursed her lips again, glancing at a particularly loud group of drunken men nearby. “Yes.” 

Sara’s energy seemed to come back all at once. “And?” 

“And it caused the first known instance of bloodlust. The bitten man went on a rampage that lasted for many nights, killing his entire village before succumbing to exhaustion and injury.” 

A somber silence lingered between the pair as the noise of the bar grew around them. 

“I see.” 

“Do you? Because you do not appear to be on any sort of rampage.” Nyssa put her hand on Sara’s “Is it at all possible that the bite and the pits are not connected?” 

“No. I know what my bloodlust feels like, and I know how to control it. This is… similar, related, but far from my normal.” Sara looked into Nyssa’s eyes with more directness than she’d dared to before “I think I’m changing. I think my bloodlust is going to consume me. I think I’ll end up like that rampage man and I won’t be able to stop myself. I won’t be in control anymore. I… I’m scared, Nyssa.” 

The Eastern woman hadn’t seen such vulnerability in her Beloved in years. Nyssa laced her fingers with Sara’s “I will do everything I can to help you, Sara.” 

“Everything?” Sara could practically see the fear behind Nyssa’s eyes. The taller woman’s slender fingers pulled away from Sara’s just slightly, but Sara pulled them back. “Nyssa, you may be the only one who could stop me if I become completely lost. I need to know that you won’t let me kill anyone I care about. Please.” 

The brunette took in a breath and squeezed Sara’s hand. “Yes. I promise.” 

Sara visibly relaxed “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” Nyssa allowed herself to show the faintest trace of a smile “Anything for you, Beloved.” 

Sara’s eyes darted away from the other woman’s face “Nyssa, you should know that I-” 

“Have you found someone? Is he good to you?” 

“She is,” Sara blushed as she spoke, “She’s wonderful.” 

“Good.” Nyssa said, placing her other hand over their small point of contact “I’m happy for you, truly.” 

Sara forced herself to look Nyssa in the eyes again. She knew it wasn’t a lie, but she also knew it wasn’t the full truth. “I’ll always love you.” 

“I know, Beloved. I’ve never known a love like yours, and if my cold heart still can’t let go, then I know some part of your compassionate soul must feel the same.” 

Sara smiled and looked down at their hands. “The assassin who speaks like a poet. Almost harder to believe than time travel.” 

“Almost.” 

Silence fell between the pair again, this time more comforting than before. Sara heard Nyssa’s intake of breath and looked up to face her as she spoke. She never got the chance to say it, whatever it was. 

A serving boy approached their table and set two glasses down, telling the women in Arabic which table of men had sent them. 

Annoyed, Nyssa looked at the suitors and used her free hand to pour both drinks on the floor before handing the cups back to the boy. All parties clearly understanding her message, the boy ran away from the tables. 

One of the loudest of the drunken men stood up and shuffled his way over. 

“Please, God, no.” Sara whispered “Not now.”

“Just ignore him, Sara.” 

“We need to leave.” 

“Nonsense. We have every right to be here, just as he does. Ignore him.” 

The drunken man slurred in his first language and Sara wished she couldn’t understand a word of it. The wood of the table she stared at seemed to take on a crimson hue. She felt the primal hatred rising in her chest and squeezed Nyssa’s hands with more urgency. “This isn’t about him. I need to leave. Now.” 

“Does this have to do with your work? Is he someone important?” 

“No, just trust me. We have to get out of here.” 

“What’s going to happen if we don’t-”

“I don’t have time to explain!” Sara let go of Nyssa and stood, knocking the chair back in the process. “We have to go!” 

The drunken man grabbed Sara by the shoulder, babbling at her about manners and respect. 

It was all the push her anger needed. 

_ Son of a-  _

Her vision went red, then black, then she was being carried out of the bar in Nyssa’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	7. Let Us Lotus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of major character injury.

#  7\. Let Us Lotus

“This is the most impressive piece of machinery I’ve ever seen.” 

Sara smiled as she walked, supported by Nyssa, into the cargo bay of her ship. “Yeah, she gets that a lot.” 

“She?” 

“Name’s The Waverider.” Sara stumbled a little as she and Nyssa made their way up the narrow staircase “She’s from the future and she’s a time ship. An’ she’s mine.” 

“I want to hear the entire story someday.”

“You got it.” Sara pointed down the hallway to their right “This way to the bridge.” 

“The brig?” 

“No, no.” Sara made sure to speak more clearly “Bridge. Uh, command central. Head of operations.” 

“I see.” 

“Gideon,” called Sara, startling the brunette “Get the crew to the bridge.” 

“Straight away, Captain.” 

Nyssa stopped walking, causing Sara to trip a little. “Who was that?” 

“Gideon! She’s our A.I. Supercomputer? I dunno. She’s…” Sara shook her head “A lot to explain.” 

“I understand. Shall we continue? I’m anxious to meet the people who could crew such a ship.” 

Sara fought the urge to laugh aloud. “Don’t get your hopes up too high.” 

—-

“So this is the infamous Nyssa al Ghul?” Ray smiled, approaching the unfamiliar woman beside Sara’s chair “Pleased to meet you. I’m Ray Palmer, a friend of Oliver and Felicity.” 

Nyssa shook his hand as politely as she could without letting on that she nearly pinned him to the floor just for approaching her so boldly. “Pleasure.” 

“Permission to introduce the rest of the team, Captain?” 

Sara cocked her head to the side “Is now really the time?” 

“What, so we’re supposed to work together without knowing each other’s names?”

“Fine,” the captain waved a tired hand “Make it quick.” 

“Excellent! Alright; Nyssa, I want you to meet Mick, Nate, Charlie, Zari, John, and Nora. Ava will be joining us shortly.” Ray frowned and turned to Sara “Are you sure we should start without the Time Bureau crew?”

“Yeah. We’re on a bit of a time crunch.” 

“Okay! Nyssa, team. Team, Nyssa. We’re all introduced. The floor is yours.” 

Nyssa looked to Sara, who only leaned back in her chair and nodded in response. “Alright. Formalities aside, we’re up against a very serious threat. I’ve never encountered it before. As far as I know, you are the first humans to see one in over a thousand years. That said, I don’t know what can be done to reverse its effects on Sara.” 

The Captain spoke next “Ray, did calling Felicity give us anything to go off of?” 

“Yes! She told me about something called Lotus Elixir.” 

Nyssa became tense. “What did she tell you?” 

Ray looked startled by the urgency in the assassin’s tone “Just that it was used to cure Thea of her bloodlust, but that it didn’t work on Roy Harper.” 

“I’ve heard of that before. Hang on,” John ran from the room without another word

Sara turned to face Nyssa, her voice quiet and steady, her eyes betraying her emotions “There’s a cure for bloodlust?” 

“It’s not that simple.” Nyssa looked to the crowd, actively avoiding eye contact with Sara “It’s an incredibly difficult elixir to come by, and it’s guarded by a secret organization in Japan.” 

“We have a time ship and a bunch of people with superpowers,” Sara snapped “I’m sure we can figure it out.” 

Nyssa set her jaw and stayed silent. 

Sara looked down, trying to keep her emotions in check. “Okay. We just need to wait for the Bureau crew, then we can follow this lead.” 

“We may not need to go to Japan, Love.” said the warlock, entering the room with a book that seemed far too modern to be magic-related “I knew I’d heard that name before, Lotus Elixir, and I just remembered where. A beautiful bloke I used to run with back in London made dark market copies of all sorts of stuff. He once got burgled for his stash of the Lotus, never made it again after that, but if we go back before then, I’m sure I could get us some.” 

“Captain,” Gideon announced, “We are being hailed by the Bureau.” 

“Let them through, Gideon.” Sara turned her attention back to John “You, take Charlie and Ray on the Jumpship to visit your contact. Let us know if you have any luck.” 

The three ran off as Sara faced the incoming video call. “Ava,” 

“Sara. Are you feeling any better?” 

“Not really. Had another episode while talking to Nyssa. I’m fine! She helped me back here before I could do any real damage. John’s got a lead on something that could cure me, so we’re following that next.” 

“Wow. Been busy. Okay. Gary and Mona are tied up with some projects here, but they’re still working on the archives whenever they get a moment. Is now a bad time for me to come over?” 

Sara glanced at Nyssa, who remained still and calm as ever, before giving her girlfriend a smile. “I’ll see you soon.” 

“Can’t wait.” Ava smiled, ending the call as the remaining Legends made teasing kissy faces at Sara and Mick lumbered off to the galley

The Captain rolled her eyes. “Go clean something. I don’t care, just get off my bridge.” 

Nate and Zari giggled to one another as they left. 

Nora hesitated near the doors “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” 

“It’s just Nyssa and Ava. I’ll be perfectly fine.” 

Nora glanced at the unfamiliar woman once, then looked back at Sara. Her expression was impossible to read as she turned and left. 

Sara sighed and leaned forward, resting her wrists on her thighs. 

“Sara?” 

“I’m okay, Nys.” 

“Am I meant to believe that?” 

Sara let out a small laugh “No, I guess not.” 

“How soon will Ava arrive?” 

“Literally any second.” 

Nyssa frowned and knelt beside Sara’s chair “I’m not sure I understand.” 

Thankfully, Ava chose to portal in at the center of the room, leaving plenty of space between herself and the startled swordswoman. 

Nyssa stood at her full height and drew her blade “What the Devil-”

Ava drew her gun “Stand down!” 

“Hey!” Sara placed herself between the two “Weapons away. Now!” 

“Sara, is this who I think it is?” 

“Where did you come from?!” 

“I am so not up for this today.” Sara mumbled, holding the bridge of her nose before looking up at the two “Ava, this is Nyssa. Nyssa, this is Ava. You both know who each other are to me, so try not to make things weird. I’ve already got a headache.”

“Oh, of course.” Ava holstered her weapon and straightened her jacket “Sorry about that. Reflex. I’m Director Ava Sharpe. Nice to meet you.” 

Nyssa’s mouth quirked into what could’ve been the faint beginning of a smile. Not only had this woman approached Nyssa while she was still holding her sword, but she had also put her hand out for a handshake as if they were two people meeting in a daylight marketplace. Nyssa sheathed her blade and grasped Ava’s hand in her own. “Lovely to meet you, as well. I am Nyssa al Ghul, heir to the Demon. You may call me just Nyssa.” 

“I’ve always thought that was a pretty name.” 

The assassin’s cheeks colored slightly. “Thank you. I admire your comfort with your sidearm.” 

“Thank you.” Ava’s smile was genuine, albeit tinged with the slightest bemusement. 

“Alright. Things seem to be going well here, so I’m gonna go take something for my head.” Sara hesitated at the door, glancing back to the other women “Play nice. Gideon will tell me if you don’t.” 

Ava released Nyssa’s hand once Sara was out of sight. “Hey, just so you know, I don’t pretend to know anything about the history between you and Sara. I mean, obviously, I know you were in love, but I don’t really know how that works in the League, or how difficult the last several years have been for you; with her dying and reviving and running off to travel the timeline.” 

Nyssa held up a hand to stop Ava’s rambling. “I don’t intend to interfere with your relationship. Sara is happy now, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.” 

“That’s sweet. And very noble of you.” 

Nyssa quirked a brow. “I can’t say I’ve ever been called either of those things before.” 

“Happy to be the first.” Ava smiled, half-turning to motion to the room behind herself “Do you want to sit down? Sara’s office has the best chairs on the ship.” 

“As long as she won’t mind.” 

“Mick comes in here to raid her drinks shelf at least once a week and she’s never stopped him. She won’t mind if we’re using the armchairs.” 

Nyssa followed Ava to the room in question “She is the Captain, yes?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Her crew shows an odd lack of respect for her space.” 

Ava chuckled. “That’s just Legends being Legends. They’re not the most professional bunch, but between you and me, they’re definitely doing something right. They’re disorganized and chaotic and messy -so unbelievably messy- and stubborn as hell, but at the end of the day, they always manage to save the world with the least amount of casualties.” 

Nyssa sat in the chair opposite Ava’s. “You speak very highly of them, yet you also sound as though they work for you.” 

“Yes and no,” Ava’s lips twisted as she thought of the best way to explain it “In terms of the hierarchy of my organization, I outrank Sara, but in terms of experience, she’s got me beat by miles. If my superiors ask, then yes, I’m her boss; in reality, I know that trying to control Sara Lance is like trying to catch a cyclone in a butterfly net.” 

Nyssa failed to hold back the smile that came to her lips. “An accurate observation. Did you learn that the hard way as well?” 

“Yeah.” Ava laughed, eyes going wide with emphasis “Oh, yeah. Big time.” 

“I’m glad to know that she hasn’t lost that fire.” 

“Hell no. If I’m being honest, this is the most fire-less I’ve seen her since we met.” Ava’s shoulders slumped forward “She’s been trying so hard to hide how much this whole thing is hurting her. I hate that no one seems to know what to do to help her.” 

Nyssa’s heart ached faintly. “I understand that as well.” 

Ava looked up, hoping the other woman would explain. 

“Sara has always been a fighter, and like most warriors, she hates to look weak. I can only imagine the lengths she’s gone to while trying to hide her pain from those who look to her as a leader.”

“You know her so well.” 

“I knew her. I haven’t spoken to her in many years. If anyone truly knows who she’s become in that time, it’s you.” 

Sara re-entered the bridge before Ava could answer. She frowned at the emptiness of the room, then realized she was being watched from within her own office. She gave a half-smile as she walked up the stairs. “Well, don’t you two look cozy. Not swapping embarrassing stories about me, are you?” 

“Quite the opposite.” Nyssa assured her

Sara rolled her eyes and leaned her lower back against the map table. “Somehow, that makes me more nervous.” 

“There’s nothing to be nervous about.” Ava promised, “How are you feeling?” 

Sara sighed “Better. And worse. My head hurts less, but Gideon got word from John so now I’m tense again.” 

“We don’t have to go right away, do we?” 

“I’m not so sure we can afford to wait.” Sara looked from Ava to Nyssa, hoping the brunette was true to her word. “I’m getting worse all the time and I’m exhausted. If John’s friend can give me something to fix this, I’m all in.” 

“Okay.” Ava stood and moved close to her girlfriend “Should we call the team back?” 

“Actually,” Nyssa stood more slowly than Ava had, looking anxious in a way that no one would’ve guessed she could. “I have one concern with this plan.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“Two, concerns, really, I suppose.” Nyssa looked from one woman to the other. “First off, we’re not using actual Lotus elixir. We’re using a copy, made by someone we don’t know. Second, even if we had the original Lotus, this isn’t it’s intended purpose. Something unforeseen could go wrong.” 

Ava frowned “How is this not the original purpose? When I called, Sara said it could cure her, right?” 

“It is meant to cure bloodlust, yes, but only the bloodlust that comes from bathing in the Lazarus water itself. I don’t know if it’s ever been used after a bite before. It may not work.” 

Sara bit her lip as the other two looked to her. “It’s all we’ve got right now. I’m willing to give it a try.” 

“Okay.” Ava nodded and placed a hand on Sara’s shoulder “I support you.” 

“As do I.” 

“Thank you. I’ll go set the destination, you two should pick your seats before the rest of the team gets here.” Sara turned away from the two women she loved and walked to the Captain’s chair. “Gideon, once they’re strapped in, rally the Legends.” 

“Aye, aye, Captain.” 

—-

Sara looked up at the potion master. He didn’t seem overly shady, and it wasn’t as though she had very many alternatives. She looked from the maker to the bottle, then up at John’s relaxed form, then over at Nyssa and Ava. Neither woman seemed too sure of this plan, but they both did their best to seem supportive of Sara’s right to choose it. Sara pulled the cork from the top “Bottom’s up.”

The other women held their breath as Sara downed the elixir, then wiped her lips and sealed the bottle. She stood to hand the bottle back but didn’t make it to her destination. Milliseconds before reaching out to set the bottle on the desk, Sara’s whole body went rigid. She dropped the glass container and began tearing at her shirt, struggling to breathe. 

When she finally exposed her torso, everyone could see why. John and Ava had seen the scars on Sara’s stomach; the three placed neatly in the space between her lowest ribs. Nyssa took only seconds longer to understand exactly which wounds had been reopened, yet she was the first to move as Sara began to collapse. She caught the blonde in her arms and used her own cloak to stop the bleeding. Ava knelt down and helped Nyssa support the wounded woman as John slammed his friend against a shelf and began to loudly question him about the elixir. 

Ray and Charlie rushed back in at the sounds of the commotion. The engineer had only seconds to react as Ava flung her time courier at him and shouted “Waverider! Portal!  _ Now _ !” 

Charlie took the memory flasher from Ava’s belt and aimed it at John’s friend, scaring the poor man into wetting his pants as he swore up and down that he didn’t know it would hurt Sara. 

A portal rippled open near a wall and Ray called for everyone to go through it. 

Charlie wiped the potion maker’s memory, then John knocked him unconscious before both Brits hurried to their exit. 

Nyssa and Ava stood, both supporting the bleeding Captain, and lead the group back onto their vessel. As Ava lead the way to the medical room, Nyssa carried Sara close to her chest and begged the small woman to stay in this world. 

Sara watched the ceiling pass by over Nyssa’s head and listened to Ava describe the injury to Gideon and realized, for the first time, that it had not been the arrows that had killed her all those years ago. Maybe it was the fall or the spinal fracture she got from landing on a dumpster, but she could’ve survived the arrows themselves had she not been at the very edge of a roof three stories off the ground. In her memory, she saw Thea Queen, and the stars in the sky that night -she had briefly tried to recognize a constellation or two before her upper body slammed into unforgiving metal- and she had heard her sister scream her name before she had completely slipped away. Sara remembered the smell of oil and piss and rain in the alleyway. She remembered the confusion and betrayal after the first shot, the fear and panic after the second, then the pain and heartbreak after the third. She remembered feeling as cold and empty as the night sky as she fell to her first death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything referenced that is not from Legends is from Arrow, so I apologize to anyone who hasn't seen it.  
Comment if you want more clarification!  
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	8. Laurel's Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More borrowing from Arrow. Sorry!

#  8\. Laurel’s Lesson

Ava paced the hallway outside the med bay. Nyssa was afraid for Sara, too, of course, but she believed in Sara’s strength and had no doubt that her Beloved would pull through. She wondered if Ava doubted this as the suited woman threatened to carve a groove in the metal floor with her anxious steps. Nyssa felt for her. She knew what it was like to fear losing Sara Lance. She would never forget. “Ava?” 

“Hm,” the pacing woman chewed her lip 

Nyssa stepped away from the wall and interrupted Ava’s path. “When was the last time you had anything to eat?” 

Ava froze, stunned by the sudden obstruction to her pacing and floored by the question. She blinked at the stranger “What?” 

“Forgive me, but you’re looking a little pale and your hands are trembling. I know you’re worried about Sara, as we all are, but you’ll only give us more to worry about if you collapse next.” Nyssa explained, watching the way Ava seemed to process every word as soon as it left her mouth “If Gideon is as skilled as you’ve all promised, then Sara is in the best hands possible.” 

Ava nodded quickly “Yes, of course. Gideon’s the best, I just… I don’t know if I could even think of what to eat at a time like this. This ship can make anything in the entire world, but all I want is to know that Sara is okay.” 

Nyssa tilted her head slightly. “You say it can make  _ anything _ ?” 

“Name it.” 

Nyssa smiled mischievously, “Take me to the galley. I know just what to order for you.” 

Ava’s brows came together, a little skeptical of what an assassin would eat to calm her nerves, but decided to go along with it. If Sara trusted Nyssa, then Ava should, too. She stepped down the hall, heading for the food fabricator. 

After learning how to work the machine, Nyssa stood in front of it, looked at Ava, and pointed to the table across the room. “Go sit down. And no spying! This is a  _ surprise _ .” 

Ava found the stranger’s use of the word ‘spying’ to be rather endearing and walked away to do as told. 

“Did you ever have the pleasure of meeting Sara’s sister?” 

“Laurel? Uh, no. She’d been dead two years when Sara and I met.” 

“How unfortunate. She was an amazing woman, though that’s no surprise. I trained her to take on Sara’s role as the vigilante Canary. She ended up teaching me a thing or two as well.” 

“She sounds great. It’s kind of strange to hear about her from someone other than Sara, but I’m glad for the fresh take.” 

“I owe Laurel a great deal. Not only for what she taught me, but also for going against my initial wishes and resurrecting Sara.” 

Ava nearly broke the rules and turned around at that. “You didn’t want Sara back?!” 

“Oh, I wanted her back. I felt as though my heart had stopped along with hers. I just didn’t want her back the way she was after the Lazarus pit. She didn’t know me. She didn’t know anyone, not even herself. She was more like a caged animal than the woman I’d loved and I missed her even more like that. I should’ve known that a little demon’s water wouldn’t be enough to stop her.” 

“She is…” Ava smiled at her hands where they lay on the table “A force to be reckoned with.” 

Nyssa smiles too “Indeed. What was it you said before? A cyclone in a butterfly net?” 

Ava laughed a sound wet with the fearful tears on her cheeks “Yeah. Yeah, that’s it.” 

“She’ll survive. I know it. And in the meantime,” Nyssa approached the table with a tray in her hands. Ava spotted two tall cups and a plate of French Fries. “I’m going to teach you something I learned from Laurel. Have you ever heard of a Black and White milkshake?” 

Ava’s eyebrows drew together and she shook her head. “Can’t say I have.” 

Nyssa smiled a thin smile. “You’re in for a treat. The black comes from chocolate syrup, and the white comes from vanilla ice cream. Go ahead and try some- oh, I forgot utensils. Do you know where the spoons are kept?” 

“No need.” Ava stuck her finger in the cold drink and scooped some out, popping it into her mouth before it could spill. 

Nyssa’s smile grew just a touch. She was beginning to see more and more why Sara loved this woman. 

Ava’s eyes widened “That’s… That is better than I thought it would be.” 

“Good!” Nyssa pushed the plate of fries closer to Ava on the tray “Now pick up one of these and dip it into the drink.” 

“Laurel taught you this?” 

“I swear on my favorite knife. My second favorite knife. The first was a gift.” 

Ava laughed to herself at Nyssa’s thought process, then reached for the fries. She found a nice wide one that would be able to hold the most ice cream on it and did as Nyssa said. She hesitated once more before eating the combination. Her eyes met the other woman’s as she nodded her approval. “That- wow. Laurel’s a genius.” 

Nyssa smiled so wide and bright that Ava felt her heart flutter a little. 

“I don’t think it was her idea alone. She told me, much later, that people all over the Western world have been enjoying their fries in their milkshakes for as long as she could remember.” 

“I guess that’s why I didn’t know about it.” 

Nyssa’s smile fell as she sensed a sort of sadness in Ava’s words. “Are you not from the United States as Sara is?” 

“Uh,” Ava rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. “It’s… actually really complicated. Just assume that I didn’t have many experiences of the usual American woman. I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood. Or a childhood at all, really.” 

“I suppose we have that in common. I won’t pry.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Of course.” Nyssa began to wonder if it was possible to feel a sort of kinship with the woman currently dating the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your thoughts!  
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	9. This is Not a Pipe Dream

#  9\. This is not a pipe dream

Sara opened her eyes, fully expecting to be on the cot in the Waverider’s med bay. She had anticipated futuristic fluorescent lighting and metal walls. Instead, she was greeted by sunlight. Sara sat up quickly, making herself nauseous with the motion. 

“Careful, Sare-Bear.” 

The Captain turned her head and stared at the speaker in shock. “Laurel?” 

“Mhm,” the former lawyer took a sip of her bright red drink “God, I've missed these.”

“Are you… my Laurel?” 

She turned and faced Sara, looking her in the eyes. “I am.” 

“How are you-?” Sara looked to the sand behind her sister, then at the lounge chairs they were both on, and finally down to the loose clothing she wore. “Where are we?” 

“You don’t remember? You used to love coming to Granny’s beach house. You drew it so often, your teachers thought we lived in a bright blue cottage!” Laurel laughed at the memory and sipped her drink again 

Sara shifted to see her surroundings better “This isn’t real. You’re not my sister.” 

“Right. And wrong.” Laurel set her glass aside and looked out over the water “I’m your sister, but I didn’t want to freak you out, so I came to you in a peaceful memory. Took me forever to figure out how to do it.” 

“You’re a ghost?” 

“I don’t know anymore, to be perfectly honest.” Laurel shrugged and pulled her wrap around herself “The finer details don’t matter. They’re not why I’m reaching out to you now.” 

“Is it because of the bloodlust?” 

“And because you almost died. Again. Are you going for some sort of record?” 

Sara laughed at her sister’s teasing. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. “God, I’ve missed you.” 

“I know. I can feel you calling out to me. All the time.” 

“Then why not reach out more often?” 

“I’ve tried. I promise.” Laurel took a deep breath and looked at Sara with her best Mentoring Older Sister face “Something big has happened to you, Sara. Something that feels like a major negative right now, but I swear it won’t be like this forever. One day, soon, you’ll know what I mean, and until then you just have to hold on. Please don’t give up, Sara. Please.”

Before Sara could respond, she was waking up under the bright lights of Gideon’s best medical devices. “Laurel?” 

“Sara!” Ava and Nyssa surged toward her from where they had entered the room only seconds ago. 

The Captain looked to the other end of the room, scanning her surroundings for the familiar face of her sister. She tried to sit up to be able to see more and gasped at the sharp pain in her stomach. 

“Be careful!” Ava put her hand on the healing woman’s chest “Gideon just finished, you’re not back to full strength yet.” 

“Where’s Laurel?” 

Nyssa’s spine stiffened “Laurel isn’t here, Sara.” 

“I was just talking to her.” 

“It was a dream.” 

“No, she was real. She said-“ with a heavy sigh, Sara realized how ridiculous she sounded. Laurel couldn’t have been talking to her. Laurel has been dead for years. Ava was right, it must’ve been a dream. “Sorry. I think I just… what happened?” 

“The arrow wounds that killed you in 2013, they,” Ava swallowed her terror and tried to keep her voice steady “they re-opened.”

Nyssa took a step closer to the couple, fighting the impulse to look at Sara’s wounds “Do you remember how I said that the Lotus is meant to cure the effects of Lazarus water, and thus could act unpredictably when used against the demon’s bite?” 

“This is what you were worried about?” 

“Actually, I was worried that nothing would happen at all and you’d become upset and hurt someone, but this is certainly worse. We almost lost you. Again.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Sara Lance; hobbies include personal fitness and Death or near-Death experiences.” 

“Babe, this isn’t funny.” 

“I know. I just…” Sara looked away, unable to face the people who loved her most “I feel like I’m losing myself. Like one of those brain illnesses that change people until they’re a whole new person.” 

“You’re still our Sara. You’re fierce and loyal and strong and wise. You’re hitting a rough patch right now, for sure, but I know you can pull through.” 

“Thank you, Ava.” 

The room was silent until Nyssa’s curiosity got the better of her “You were dreaming of Laurel?” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“How interesting. While you were in surgery, I was teaching Ava one of Laurel’s best lessons.” 

“Which was?” 

“Black and White milkshake with-”

“With fries!” Sara grinned “Laurel’s favorite comfort food.”

“You never told me your sister was such a culinary genius, babe.” 

“She didn’t invent it.” Sara looked from the Director to Nyssa “When did she teach you about- oh! Was it when I was dead?” 

Nyssa cringed a little, ignoring the question to ask Ava “Does it ever get easier? Hearing her talk so casually about dying in the past tense?”

Ava laughed “I was gonna ask you the same thing.” 

Sara watched the women share a smile. The exchange made her heart flutter in a new way and she was thankful that neither seemed to be paying attention to the monitors. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you know what the title is a reference to!  
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	10. Outside the Lines

# 10\. Outside the Lines

Nyssa looked up as Ava returned from her quest to Sara’s quarters. The smaller blonde stirred slightly on her cot, but Nyssa did not expect her to wake. She’d been heavily sedated and it kept her from having nightmares or sleepwalking. Most nights. 

Ava sat down on the cot beside Nyssa’s, with a booklet and a bag of pencils. 

Nyssa watched the other woman open the book and begin filling in shapes with the colors. Nyssa stared at Ava’s hands. “What are you making?” 

“Hm? Oh,” Ava frowned at the page “I wasn’t even paying attention to the picture itself. I guess it’s a rib cage? With bullet holes.” 

Nyssa scrutinized the image from her bed. “That’s entirely inaccurate. The bone should splinter like this.”

Ava watched in morbid fascination as Nyssa traced the path of realistic fractures with her finger. “That’s… really cool.” 

“You’re not offended or upset by my knowledge?” 

Ava shrugged “Maybe if you’d shown me on a real person, but it’s just a coloring book.” 

Nyssa withdrew her hand, trying to understand the feelings she had. Ava felt safe, and she made Nyssa feel safe. The last person to do that had been Sara. The dark woman looked from Ava’s hands to her arms, then up to her neck and intensely-focused face. She knew to stare at people was considered rude, so she watched Ava’s activity instead. “How do you decide which color to use? I assume you’re not going for realism.” 

“What gave it away, the orange sternum or the purple blood spatter?” Ava chuckled “I don’t know, really. I’m not sure how I learned it or anything.” 

“You don’t remember learning it?” 

“It’s…” Ava’s hand slowed to a stop “really complicated.”

“I’m sorry. I know your past is not a comfortable topic of discussion.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Ava gave a dry laugh and returned her focus to her coloring. She heard Sara’s gentle snoring and felt Nyssa’s attention on her. The only other way that Ava’s secret could be perceived was Gideon and the A.I. already knew. There didn’t seem to be a subtle or gentle way to say it. Ava wondered if her only option was to be blunt and straightforward. “I’m a clone.”

Nyssa blinked. She really hadn’t been expecting that, of all explanations. 

“I guess, in the future, humanity perfects cloning technology and I, Ava, the first me, was placed here and Rip recruited her instead of putting her back where she belonged and then something happened to her and he replaced her and I guess he’d been replacing them so many times that, well, technically I’m number 13.” 

Nyssa’s eyes had widened to their full size by the time Ava’s sentence finally ended. “Oh. I just assumed you were orphaned or had some sort of retroactive amnesia.” 

“I wish it were that simple. No, I’m… I’m a clone. All my memories are fake and my parents are actually just actors. Rip didn’t want me to think I wasn’t a normal human woman so he set it all up, but… that’s why my past is so hard to talk about. It’s not real.” 

Nyssa couldn’t think of how to respond, so she asked herself what Laurel would do. She found herself raising her hand to Ava’s shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. That must be very difficult to live with.” 

“Yeah. Sara had to teach me about all the things normal kids know, like friendship bracelets and pinky promises.” 

“I actually know that second one!” Nyssa smiled “A promise is made, and you wager your smallest finger as penance if you are unable to fulfill your promise.” 

“_That’s_ the origin? That’s horrible! Why do children do that?” 

“I suppose the cutting-off-the-finger bit isn’t so strictly enforced anymore, but the sentiment remains.” 

Ava laughed, glancing at Nyssa’s hand on her shoulder. “You’re surprisingly good at this whole comforting thing.” 

“I learned it all from the Lance sisters.”

“That explains it.” Ava wiped a stray tear from her eye, cursing under her breath as some of the salty water fell on the pages below. “Of course I cry into my favorite coloring book. Just my luck.” 

Nyssa withdrew her hand and stared at the cover as Ava closed the book. “What on earth is a… murderino?” 

Ava blushed and put the bag of pencils over the cover. “It’s just a word for people that are really interested in killers. My favorite is serial killers, but I know someone whose interest is mostly in mass shooters. It’s a morbid curiosity sort of thing.” 

“I suppose that’s why you’re able to date a former assassin. Most people struggle to stomach all that we’ve done.” 

“I never thought of it like that, but you’re probably right.”

“I hope so. She deserves someone who can love her in spite of her past. Or perhaps because of it.” 

Ava didn’t have the words to express what that meant to her. To any outside observer, it would seem as though Nyssa had just passed the torch to Ava or given her blessing on their relationship in a way that meant she would no longer let herself love Sara, but Ava knew it was more complicated than that. Nyssa and Sara would always have that bond, an unbreakable love that flowed both ways, yet knowing this never made Ava feel as though her relationship with Sara was in jeopardy. If anything, it made her feel as though she should try to connect with Nyssa. She could only hope that Nyssa wanted the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you know what Ava's coloring book is a reference to!  
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	11. Trying for Normal

#  11\. Trying for Normal

_ One day, soon, you’ll know what I mean, and until then you just have to hold on. Please don’t give up, Sara. Please. _

Laurel’s words rang in Sara’s mind, haunting her even in her sleep. She did her best to trust her sister. There wasn’t much choice. She tried her hardest to stay out of fights, directing missions from the ship or using only evasive maneuvers in combat. 

Nyssa and Ava had become her unofficial bodyguards. While the captain spent every night in the lab’s cage, they stayed on a pair of cots nearby. The duo dealt with anyone who tried to back Sara into a corner or otherwise force her to fight. Sara found herself longing for the bond they were forming. The way they’d learned to move with one other to defend her was beautiful. Sara only wished she could return the favor. 

She’d trained by herself plenty of times before, but it was always with the expectation that she would need to use the skills she was honing. Now, training felt empty. What was the point in keeping her skills sharp if she might never get to use them again? 

She ran through each drill she knew a dozen times each; strikes, blocks, footwork, spins, dodging, parrying, kata’s and combo moves. It was all so easy. Muscle memory she’d spent years developing. Yet she was incredibly frustrated when she was done. She knew it wasn’t right to wish to fight anyone, especially not now when her odds of killing her opponent were almost perfect. Still, she missed it. What good is a captain that won’t fight beside her crew? That can’t defend them in times of crisis?

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

Sara flinched at the sound and prepared to strike whoever was breaking into the lab. No. The door was secure. And that sound… 

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _

It was coming from farther away than just the door. Sara closed her eyes to try to locate it, but the sounds of her crew shouting and scrambling made that difficult. 

_ Bang! Bang! Bang!  _ ** _Bang!_ **

“Gideon?!” 

“It appears the jumpship has been breached.”

“What? By who?” 

“Unidentified.” 

_ Bang! Bang!  _ ** _Bang! _ **

“Dammit!” Sara raced toward the jumpship’s hangar. Her teammates scrambled to follow their Captain, but Sara screamed for them to suit up and arm themselves. Whoever was trying to break in was definitely not a friendly. “My money’s on Time Pirates. Where the hell are Nyssa and Ava?” 

_ Bang!  _ ** _Bang! Bang! _ **

“Ava went back to the bureau to help Mona follow up on a lead. Nyssa was last seen skulking around because you wouldn’t let her spar with you. That’s all I got.” 

“Thank you, Zari.” 

** _Bang! Bang! Bang! _ **

Sara and the hacker stopped outside the hangar doors beside Nate and Charlie. He was in his steel form and she was taking the shape of a formidable demon they’d fought a few months ago. Zari held her opposite hand over the totem on her bracelet. They all did their best to be subtle as they tried to stand between Sara and the door. She gripped her staff tighter to keep from snapping at them.  _ They’re just trying to help.  _

** _Bang! _ **

The doors to the smaller vessel crashed open, forced apart by crudely made tools. Blasts of highly concentrated laser beam came at the Legends in a flurry; Nate and Charlie doing their best to shield the others. Zari and Sara dove to the sides of the opening and prepared to attack whoever came through. Or rather, Zari prepared to attack, and Sara prepared to either disarm or become the team’s most deadly distraction. 

Her staff clanged against the pirate’s sword as she retreated with every step. She knew she couldn’t risk any sort of offensive maneuver, so her best option was to hold her attacker at bay until someone else could finish him off. This meant leading him away from the main fight and toward the bridge, where the other Legends should’ve been waiting. 

Sara cursed aloud as she arrived in the control room and found it empty. Her opponent continued to advance on her, believing himself to have the upper hand. With no other choice in sight, Sara risked one offensive strike. Her vision flashed red so she returned to blocking and dodging, but just that one moment made it clear who had better training.  _ You can’t attack him. If you attack him, you’ll kill him. You  _ ** _can’t_ ** _ kill him. _

Logically, Sara knew what she should do. Emotionally, Sara was exhausted. Letting others fight her battles for her, biting back her own strength and rage, trying to pretend as though she wasn’t ready to give up after a month or so of it all- the Captain let out a frustrated war cry and knocked her adversary back several paces. She told herself she’d back off when the red began to take over her field of vision, but she never got the chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments let me know you care!  
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	12. Deception and Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 12 and 13 posted together!

#  12\. Deception and Revelation

Ava responded to the distress signal as soon as Zari sent it, but it was already too late. The fighting was well underway and they’d lost track of Sara. 

Nyssa followed Ava through the portal, their weapons held aloft. They heard Sara from down the hall; Ava pinpointed it as the bridge, Nyssa could only trust her knowledge of the ship. 

The pair ran into the control hub of the Waverider and saw exactly what they’d anticipated. Sara had taken out two of the invaders and was practically mopping the floor with a third. A fourth was cowering in the corner, unable to stand on his shattered legs. 

The pair charged forward, trying to intervene before Sara could hurt anyone else. 

Ava reached her first and grabbed her arm. 

Sara whirled around, throwing Ava off with ease. 

Ava knew this was a possibility, but didn’t think it would actually happen. She froze as the woman she loved stalked toward her, a look in her eye that lacked recognition of her target. “Sara, babe, please-”

Sara raised her hand to strike, only to be caught by the other assassin. Nyssa took several kicks and punches as she adjusted her grip until Sara was losing oxygen and passed out in her arms. Nyssa lowered her Beloved to the floor and checked her pulse. “Are you alright, Ava? Are you hurt?” 

“What did you- you choked her!”

“I know.”

“You could’ve killed her!” 

“ _ I know! _ ” Nyssa took her hand away from the pulse point of Sara’s neck and put it over her own face, speaking muffled into her palm. 

Ava huffed “I can’t hear you.” 

“I said I couldn’t watch her hurt you!” 

Ava knelt at Sara’s side and looked at the foreign woman in the eyes. “What?” 

“I couldn’t watch her hurt you.” Nyssa sighed “Not just because to do so would destroy her, but also because… I’ve grown to care about you, both of you. I couldn’t just stand there and watch one of you hurt the other.” 

Ava’s expression softened “Nyssa, I… That’s… I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t need to say anything. I’m not here to form attachments. I’m here to help-”

Sara’s arm flew up and slammed into Nyssa’s chest, knocking the air from her lungs. In the few seconds that it took Nyssa to breathe again and Ava to process what had just happened, Sara flipped backward out of their grasp and took off into the ship.

Ava froze, torn between chasing Sara and checking on Nyssa. 

“I’m fine. Go! Stop her from hurting anyone else.”

_ That settles that. _ Ava ran after her girlfriend, calling out to the others in a warning. 

Nyssa sat, gasping, on the floor of the control room. Sara had thrown Ava and struck Nyssa. Sara had hurt the women she most cared about. Nyssa’s stomach dropped as she recalled her promise.  _ Please don’t make me do this, Beloved.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was short, but it still deserves a comment or two.  
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	13. Desperation and Reprieve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 12 and 13 posted together! Lucky number 13!

#  13\. Desperation and Reprieve

Sara came back to herself on the floor of the storage space. She wiped her face with her free hand and sat up. She knew what was resting against her left palm. She closed her eyes to resist the urge to look at it. 

“This has gotten out of hand.” 

Sara scoffed at The Canary. “I figured that much out, thanks.” 

“But you haven’t figured out how to solve it?” 

The past Sara's voice was different now, softer than any other time they’d spoken. There was almost a concerned quality. Sara dared to open her eyes and be certain of who she was speaking to. 

“I’m not so sure it can be solved.” 

“It can.” 

The Captain rolled her eyes “You’d love it if I believed that, wouldn’t you?” 

“Sara,” 

“You really expect me to give in to you? After what happened last time?” 

“That wasn’t what’s supposed to happen. That was the influence of Mallus. Think about it. How did you feel when you first accepted the totem? Before that unstable, corrupt feeling came?” 

“It felt,” Sara looked down at her closed fist.  _ It felt like it was meant to be mine. _ She shook the thought away. “No. I’m not Death. I’m not a killer anymore. I don’t want to be. I can’t take it-”

“The totem isn’t about being a killer. It’s about being connected to both this world and the next. You spent 13 months in your afterlife before being brought back. That’s a connection that can’t be denied. You think of what’s happened to you as only a negative, but there are ways you can use this to help others.” 

“How?” 

“You knew the informant was a danger to your team, even before he lead you into that trap. You sensed the violence in the brother at his father’s business and the fact that the fugitive in the zoo was not going to let that boy go if you hadn’t stepped in.” 

“I still lost control. I killed all those people in the warehouse, and I think my frustration made the brothers worse, and I don’t know how, but I know those birds didn’t have to die.”

The Canary looked down at the totem, now laying exposed on Sara’s upturned palm. “You can learn to control this. The totem can help you.” 

Sara stared into the dark stone. 

“You’re tired of fighting, so stop. Don’t run away anymore. You’ve known this was inevitable.” 

The Captain’s eyes watered against her will. “I’m afraid.” 

“Afraid of the totem? Or afraid of staying like this?” 

Sara couldn’t bring herself to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Facing the Music with Newfound Strength

#  14\. Facing the Music with Newfound Strength

It had happened so slowly; no one realized how tired and shaken Sara had begun to look until they saw her after the Time Pirates attacked. For someone standing at the scene of her latest sins, she finally looked strong and steady again. 

“Where did you go? We searched everywhere!” Ava cried, leading the crowd onto the bridge. She stumbled a little as she stopped near Sara. She hadn’t been expecting her to look so different. To look so  _ healthy _ . 

Sara waited for everyone else to file in and spread out until they were all able to see her. She was standing behind the captain’s chair and looking out at her allies. “As you all clearly know by now, I screwed up again. I  _ killed _ again.” 

Sara’s discomfort with the honest truth was visible to all. “But I think that was the last of it.” 

Nate frowned “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I think it’s out of my system.” 

“What? Like the flu or something?” Nora crossed her arms in disbelief

“Not exactly,” Sara allowed a small smile “It’s more like a flare-up of a disorder, y’know? Like stress making dyslexia worse. But, obviously, on a much more dangerous scale.”

“Does bloodlust really work like that?”

“I don’t know anymore, Ray.” 

“I suppose you’re not too far off,” Nyssa mused “When his daughter was afflicted with bloodlust, Malcolm Merlyn sacrificed members of the league to her ‘training’. Killing so many of them each day kept her in control. Following that logic, it is entirely possible that Sara’s current bloodlust has run its course.”

“Does that mean she has to keep killing to stay in control?” Ava’s fear was evident in her voice

“That’s just the thing, pet.” The warlock gestured to Sara as he addressed the director “This is no ordinary case of bloodlust. We’re in uncharted waters.” 

“If Blondie gets to kill to keep from going crazy,” 

“No, Mick.” Sara snapped “I won’t be doing what Merlyn made Thea do.”

“Then how are we going to move forward?” Charlie narrowed her eyes at the Captain “Just let her kill a few more bad guys than necessary?” 

“I’d prefer a plan that didn’t involve penciling in murder.” 

“I’m with Ray on that one.” Said Sara

“I think we’d all prefer if you didn’t have to kill anymore, but I don’t think we should rule it out.” Nora put her hands up in a gesture of defense “I know, I know. It looks like I’m siding with my dad’s evil pal, but I’m not. I think John’s right. This is unfamiliar territory and we shouldn’t be making any plans until we better understand what’s going on.” 

“That makes sense,” Ava added, “We should wait and see if it actually has passed.” 

Nyssa’s gaze held Sara’s, the promise she’d made the blonde hanging silently between them. “I agree. We should wait it out.” 

“Anyone opposed?” Sara asked, eyes sweeping over her team. From Ava and Nyssa standing closest to her; to Mick and Charlie near the doorway farthest from the crowd; to Nora, Ray, Nate, and John near the opposite doorway; and to Zari where she lingered near the Captain’s office. Everyone seemed on board with the plan, except for the hacker, who didn’t even seem to be listening at all. Her eyes were fixed on Sara, and her face looked attentive, but she didn’t respond to anything around her. “Zee?” 

The audience turned to the silent woman as she returned from her thoughts. 

“Hm? Oh. Yeah, no, I’m on board. Don’t worry about it. Just kinda zoned out. My bad.” 

“Alright. Glad that’s settled.” John clapped his hands together “Now, let’s make sure those pirates didn’t take or damage anything important.” 

“Since when are you the responsible one?” 

“Since I’ve got a lot of valuable books on your ship, Captain.” 

“My books!” Cried Mick, running for his quarters and cursing the Pirates. 

Everyone else cleared out to check on various things, except for Sara and Zari, who stood and watched one another from across the room. 

“Zoned out?” 

“Yeah, sorry.” The dark haired woman stepped forward, eyes cast downward. “I was distracted.” 

“By what?” 

“You, sort of.” Zari looked up again and shrugged “You seem… different. I don’t know. Something about your energy. It’s off.” 

“More off than when I was consumed by the need to kill?” 

“Not  _ more  _ off, just…  _ differently  _ off.” 

“Should I have Gideon check me over?” 

“Maybe the Wonder Twins?” Zari continued at Sara’s confused expression “Mine and Charlie’s nickname for John and Nora. Physically, you seem fine, better than you have in months if I’m being honest. It’s something else that’s changed. Something I’m not sure Gideon could detect, but that they might be able to.” 

Sara remembered The Canary’s words about Mallus infecting her connection to the totem. Her blood ran a little cold at the thought. She couldn’t decide if the totem had actually become heavier against her chest, or if it was merely adding to the weight of her guilt. “Yeah. That’s actually a pretty good idea.” 

“All my ideas are good ideas.”

Sara smiled at the cocky response “Except the great ones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one is gonna be a long one. Get the popcorn ready! And leave a comment while it's popping!


	15. Litmus Mallus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, folks!  
More content borrowed from Arrow.  
The scenes and actions in italics are past memories. Comment if you need more explanation.

#  15\. Litmus Mallus

“Let me make sure I’ve understood you, Love. You sent all the others away because,” John gestured to himself and Nora “You want us to make sure there’s no leftover Mallus influence?”

“Yup. So get the holy water and start chanting.” 

“I’m afraid it won’t be that simple, mate.” 

“Of course not.”

—-

John, Nora, Ava, Sara, and Nyssa were the only ones aboard the Waverider as it landed in the hangar of the Time Bureau. Sara had wanted to go to a temporal blind spot, but John had insisted that they be grounded in time and Ava had promised that they wouldn’t be bothered. So Sara agreed, and landed her ship in the enclosed space that had been built for her all those months ago. She exhaled with dread and turned her chair to face the others. 

“Let’s do this.” 

##  \--- The Circle ---

“So,” John stood up from drawing the circle of runes and looked to Ava and Nyssa “Who’s going with our Captain?” 

“I am.” Said Nora, stepping into the circle before either woman could respond “No offense to the two of you, but you’re both too close to Sara to view her past with a level head, and neither of you knows Mallus as well as I do. You wouldn’t know what to look for or how to sense his energy.” 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Nyssa began “But I’m with the witch. I still don’t trust a Darhk as far as I could throw one, but she’ll be without her powers on the astral plane.” 

“I trust Nora,” Ava chimed in “It’s Mallus I’m worried about. If he’s still there, couldn’t he reach out to both of you?” 

“Not at all, pet.” John promised, “They’d have to be in Nora’s head for that.”

“Sounds good to me,” Sara announced, losing more of her nerve by the second. “John, the sooner the better.” 

##  \--- The Darkness ---

The pair arrived in a dim alley. The pavement was wet, but neither woman felt the humidity in the air. Nora frowned and watched Sara, as Sara focused on the grey-clad woman approaching them. A strange shadow moved over the alley just before Sara could recognize her sister. Her entire body tensed at the memory.

Nora stared at Sara as the sound of three arrows being loosed caused the blonde to flinch each time, her gaze never leaving the asphalt. The lighting in the dark space changed and Nora looked up in synch with Laurel; both of them just in time to watch The Canary fall to her death. 

_ “Sara!”  _

The mask had fallen away when she’d hit the dumpster, giving Nora enough time to recognize the Captain before her identity could be confirmed in the scream of her name. Nora put a hand on her Sara’s shoulder as the mourning lawyer’s screams filled the night. “Sara?” 

Sara jerked away from the touch “Mallus isn’t here.” 

And just like that, the scene changed around them. Nora recognized some of the faces she saw, but not the location. 

John was there, but not the John who had just sent them down memory lane. No, this version of the warlock couldn’t see them where they stood outside the circle of people. At the center of the circle was Sara’s unconscious form, laying on a symbol that had been hastily drawn there. 

“I don’t understand,” said Sara, watching her sister and Oliver step closer to her past self “Mallus isn’t here either. What the hell is John doing?” 

“I was gonna ask you the same thing.” 

_ The Constantine before them began to chant, casting a spell that made the room feel unsteady. The lights in the building went out.  _

Sara watched with just as much fear and rapt attention as Nora.  _ Her soulless body began to writhe on the painted floor, squirming in pain that Sara herself could not remember.  _

The two women looked to one another in confusion mere seconds before the floor seemed to fall away and they both felt themselves being sucked down into an abyss. Just as quickly as it had started, the falling stopped. 

“This is-“

“I don’t know either.” 

They watched the trio of travelers run into the room.  _ Oliver drew his bow and aimed, almost as if he could see the pair. Someone spoke behind them and they turned to see a pair of dark-robed guards in front of a large stone pool. The water moved quickly, and parted only long enough for Sara’s lost soul to peek over the edge of her prison.  _

_ The archer fired twice, taking the guards down with almost too much ease. Laurel raced forward to rescue her sister, running directly through the Sara she could not see.  _

“This is your afterlife.” 

“Looks that way.” 

“You spent 13 months being tortured like this?” Nora’s gaze moved from the Sara at her side to Sara in the Pit, being dragged beneath the water’s surface by an army of hands. 

“I guess so. I don’t remember it. Not consciously anyway.” Sara’s empty gaze was stuck on the struggle before them “It only comes back to me in my nightmares. I didn’t know it was  _ actually _ like this.” 

_ John sent Oliver to help Laurel, leaving only himself to fight the newest adversary.  _

Sara lead Nora to the Pit, standing just to the side of Laurel as she and Oliver struggled to rescue their loved one. 

“Everything here is black,” 

“Well noted.”

“No, Sara, I’m serious. Look at the water; everything here is black except this pool. Doesn’t that shade of blue seem familiar?” 

Sara stared into the void that had fought like hell to keep its grip on her soul. Nora was right, the color was familiar. “His realm.” 

“Yeah.” 

Sara turned to face Nora with fearful, understanding eyes “This is where Mallus found me. This is how he knew my name. He… he’s the demon that held my soul for 13 months.” 

Nora didn’t know what to say. 

##  —- Explanation --- 

Nyssa stood, still as stone, while Ava paced the floor beside the circle and John resisted the urge to light another cigarette. Gideon had rudely snuffed out the first one, reminding him in no uncertain terms that he was aboard a non-smoking ship. 

“How long is this gonna take?” 

“Couldn’t tell you, pet. As I said, I made the car, but Sara’s the one driving it.” 

“A metaphor that only you seemed to understand.” 

“Nyssa, was it? Allow me to explain it again.” John smiled, an expression that could’ve just as easily been part smirk or part grimace “I cast the spell, but it’s Sara’s memories they’re travelling through. She’ll see whatever it is she’s meant to see in each one, then they’ll move on. I don’t know how many memories they’ll need to visit, or how long each one is, or how long it’ll take her to understand them.” 

“They’re not going to be seen, right?” Ava stopped pacing to clarify “This isn’t actually time travel, right?” 

“Right.” John nodded, rolling the cigarette between his thumb and index finger “They’re astral projections, sort of like ghosts.” 

##  —- Revisiting --- 

They watched from the bridge of the ship as past versions of Constantine, Sara, and Nate discussed exorcising Mallus out of a young girl called Emily. 

Nora gasped “Holy sh- That’s me!” 

“Yeah. This time travel thing is about to get messy.” 

“How messy?” 

Sara neglected the question as their surroundings changed again and she and Nora tried to get their bearings. Nora’s body language seemed to shrink as she recognized the location. 

“This is the hospital,” said the witch “Where they put me after… when I was young.” 

“Yeah. If my memory of this room serves correctly, my team and I just found you and are trying to keep you from Kuasa. John is about to bust in, carrying you, and bark orders at us to help him set up the exorcism.” 

Nora watched as the moments played out exactly as described. 

_ Leo Snart returned with a syringe of adrenaline just after Constantine finished the symbols on the floor. _

Sara watched her past self inject the young Nora and try to speak to her about the voices she heard. 

_ “Who are you? Where am I?” The young Nora looked frantically at the symbols drawn around her _

_ “It’s okay, you’re safe.” Sara touched the girl’s arm and tried to make eye contact “You told John here that you were hearing voices in your head. What are they saying?”  _

_ Nora stuttered for a moment before managing to say “Six. The Six.”  _

_ “The Six?” Sara turned to John  _

_ “It’s the number of the Beast, now step aside, Lance.” _

_ Sara looked back at the child and reassured her once more before joining the others outside the circle.  _

“Does watching this count as deja vu?” 

The Captain chuckled. “I can’t think of a better term for it.” 

_ Constantine began the spell and the child’s body lurched unnaturally in place. Her small mouth spoke like a puppet for Mallus as he foretold Sara’s presence in his realm. The spell was then interrupted when the possessed Nora threw the adults across the room, then began drawing the symbol to cast them back through time.  _

“Sorry about that.” 

“Our fault for trying to exorcise a demon out of you after shooting you up with adrenaline.” 

It was Nora’s turn to laugh “Fair point.” 

##  —- Understanding --- 

Ava had practically made a meal out of her fingernails by the time Nora’s body let out a weak laugh. Sara’s had chuckled a few moments earlier. The Captain was always trying to find humor in horrible situations, so Ava shrugged it off as best she could. Then Nora laughed, and Nora hardly ever laughed, so the Director’s anxiety took hold of that moment and ran with it. It wasn’t until Nyssa came to join her on the steps to the office that Ava began to feel calm again. She loved that the dark-haired woman had that effect on her. She hated the guilt that always seemed to follow. 

##  —- Slipping ---

The hallway of the hospital looked much the same in the past. The astral forms of Nora and Sara watched the displaced trio approach from the opposite end. Sara went tense and leaned closer to Nora, speaking quietly as if anyone could hear them. “Past me is about to start tripping balls.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“Just watch,” 

Nora did as told, and sure enough, their target began to hallucinate.  _ She first listened to the wall, hearing something the men with her could not sense. Then she stumbled back from the barrier, scrambling as if she were being chased and staring at the plaster in horror. _

“What just happened?” 

“Mallus.” Sara said, her tone now much more serious “He made me see hands and faces coming at me through the walls.” 

“Sounds scary.” 

“They were the people I killed. My victims.” Her eyes flickered away from the action ahead “I’ve never told anyone that.”

“What did he say to you?” 

“That he was the only one who could reach me and I was beyond help.” 

“That’s... horribly familiar.” 

“He also made me hear you. Little You. Begging me to rescue her.” 

Nora bit at her lip “That might not have been fabricated.”

_ John took Sara into a storage room and was trying to keep her present. She cried out, clinging to him and cringing as the demon wreaked havoc on her mind.  _

_ “He wants you to be afraid!” John shouted “I need you to fight him!”  _

“What’s he showing you?” 

“My laundry list of trauma. Nearly drowning after the Gambit sank, actually dying after being shot, coming out of the Pit without a soul, stalking and attacking Thea. The usual.”

_ John rambled about ways to make the headache stop as Sara nodded, not actually hearing him at all, and slid down the barrier she’d been leaning against.  _

_ “I thought this was all over. The bloodlust, the fight for my soul, all the crap that I’ve had to endure.” _

Nora’s heart broke for the Captain. 

##  —- Damned Pleading --- 

John sat in one of the crew’s chairs, leaning forward and resting most of his weight on his bent knees. He watched the women on the stairs, but they seemed to be having an intimate moment, so he looked away. He wondered if Sara knew how close they’d become. He wondered if she’d care. 

His eyes fell on the still forms in the middle of the floor. Nora Darhk and Sara Lance. There was only one other name that crossed his mind as much as theirs. John could only pray, to whatever deities hadn’t yet abandoned him, that he wouldn’t ruin their lives as he’d ruined Astra’s. 

##  —- Fighting ---

They watched as the rune formed on the floor in front of the possessed Sara, then stopped abruptly. 

“Do you remember this?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“In the spirit world, I stopped drawing the rune because I heard you crying. I came to you and you told me that he was using your body to fight Ray and Zari. I told you that in order to regain control, you had to fight the darkness like I-” 

“Like you do every day.” 

They held one another’s gaze for a moment, starting to understand the strength of the connection they shared. 

##  —- Learning ---

Nora chuckled as Constantine splashed holy water into Sara’s face. The astral version of Sara rolled her eyes. 

_ The gathered crew began to talk about Mallus and his fear of Zari’s totem, the possibility that they may be able to stop him, and the existence of a sixth.  _

“The death totem.” Nora turned to Sara “You guys didn’t know about all six of them?” 

Pale and staring ahead, Sara didn’t even seem to hear the other woman. 

“Sara? Sara!” 

The Captain flinched “Hm?” 

“Nothing.” Nora lied “You just zoned out a bit, and I was worried that the spell was breaking.”

“Nope. I’m good.”

##  —- Mending --- 

The blue realm surrounded them, landing them in sand that did not shift beneath their feet. 

“When are we now?” 

“That damn totem.” Sara snarled “This is the night that Mallus used it against me. He turned me into a weapon that nearly destroyed my team from within.” 

Nora watched the blonde beside her tense, standing as if she might have to physically defend herself at any moment. “I’m sorry.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” 

“Are you sure about that?” Nora gestured to the past version of herself, who had appeared near their target “Do you remember what I was saying to you?” 

“Yes. Why?” 

“I don’t. I thought it was a side effect of the spell I used to get into your head like that, but so much of what I said and did while working for Mallus is such a blur.” 

Sara nodded knowingly, her shoulders finally relaxing “It’s your mind protecting you from the trauma. It’ll come back, eventually. And I’ll be here when it does if you want.” 

“After everything I’ve done to you?” Nora fixed her eyes on the Sara beside herself, not wanting to watch the other Sara react to her suffering anymore

“Yeah. Like I said, it’s not your fault. Trust me, I’ve been that girl. That scared puppet on a string who thinks she’s making choices of her own accord, but she’s not. Not until she realizes that what she’s done has hurt so many people, and not until she’s decided that she doesn’t want to hurt anyone anymore.” Sara gestured to the other versions of themselves. “I tried to remind you of your humanity, and you argued that Oliver killing your father ruined it. You tried to convince me that we were alike because of the darkness that has always been within us.” 

An apparition appeared behind the pair of Sara’s. The Nora of the past directed her Sara’s attention to it, while Nora of the present could only hope that her Sara wouldn’t turn.

_ The apparition showed Sara, dressed in the attire of the League of Assassins, murdering a man in front of his daughter.  _

Astral Sara didn’t flinch until the little girl screamed. Nora took her arm as she began to turn. “Don’t. Please.” 

_ “Why are you crying, Sara?” Asked the other Nora, circling her target like a vulture “You’ve done nothing wrong. Imagine what you could do if you just released your guilt. You can’t erase your past, Sara, so just embrace it.” _

_ “You want me to join your team?”  _

_ “It’s your destiny.” The past Nora explained the sixth tribe’s role in the original fight against Mallus, telling Sara that she was born to wield the death totem.  _

Astral Nora watched her friend go tense and pale again. “What is it? Every time that totem comes up, you look guilty as hell.” 

“Yeah, for kicking everyone’s ass.” 

“No. No, that’s not it…” Nora watched Sara’s hand move to scratch her neck and saw her collar shift to the side. A black stone peaked out from the fabric. Nora began to wonder if, despite having awful intentions, Mallus may have been right about Sara’s destiny.

_ Sara’s past self screamed, collapsing into the sand and barely supporting herself on her hands and knees.  _

_ When she stood, it was clear that something had changed. She looked around at her environment as if she expected it to cave in on itself.  _

_ “Does Ava know who you really are, Sara? What you’ve done? What are you gonna tell her?” Nora goaded “That the Totem was wrong? That you aren’t a killer?” _

“God, what a bitch.” 

Sara chuckled at Nora’s evaluation of herself “She’s not wrong.” 

“Yes, she is.”

_ “The totem's power is within you, Sara, all you have to do is decide. A life free of pain and regret with us, or the tormented half-life you're living now?”  _

_ Past Sara put her hand to her chest, eyes widening in shock.  _

“What happened there?” 

“Ava,” Sara smiled. “I felt her touch. She uses it to ground me after a bad dream or a panic attack.” 

_ “No.” Said Sara, advancing on Nora _

_ “You're making a mistake.” _

_ “No, to a life without pain or regret. No, to being a demon's lackey, and no, to bringing more death into this world. I owe that little girl at least that.” _

##  —- The Finale ---

“Wait.” Sara looked around at their Wild West surroundings “This doesn’t make any sense. Mallus was out by this time, he couldn’t have influenced me at all. Why are we here?” 

“I don’t know.” Nora said, “I wasn’t exactly myself at this point in the timeline.”

“Right.” Sara blinked, remembering it all in bits and pieces “The six totems failed against Mallus, so Rip sacrificed himself to let us escape. We ran away to the temporal blind spot of Jonah Hex’s town, gained some allies, and got double-crossed by Ray, who suddenly decided to help your dad.” 

“I don’t have all the details, but my understanding is that Ray came up with a plan to stop Mallus from completely claiming me. He knew my father would do anything to save me, so he recruited him. They showed up right before I could go full-on Mallus, hit me with the anti-magic gun, and left my dad to take my place as the vessel.” Nora and Sara watched each moment play out before their eyes. “What was your team up to during… all of that?”

“Amaya and Nate went on a vision quest to find out how the original totem bearers were able to imprison Mallus. They learned that the bearers, aside from the one with the Death totem combined their powers to conjure something to fight Mallus. But, without the Death totem on their side, they were unable to kill the demon; they could only imprison him.” 

“That’s how you knew to become the giant Beebo doll?” 

“Yup. Believe it or not, our first attempt was actually worse than that.” 

“I’m not sure I want to know what could be worse.” 

_ “Guys, whenever you got-” Jax burst into the saloon and looked to his former teammates. His face twisted in confusion and he stammered for a moment before realizing that he should not be standing so close to what he was seeing.  _

Sara covered her face with her hand “Not one of our best moments.” 

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” 

“Not as planned.” 

“This is the Legends we’re talking about. You’ve never successfully enacted a plan in your lives.” 

“I… can’t even argue with that.”

_ “What the Sam Hell is going on?” cried Jonah Hex  _

_ “I think this is part of Sara's plan,” Ray called back _

The ground shook, a sensation that Nora remembered but couldn’t feel, and the townsfolk ran screaming. 

_ The enormous Beebo landed in the street. “Mm, I lo- lo- love you!”  _

_ “The Blue God,” whispered the Viking leader “He has returned.”  _

_ Helen of Troy raised a skeptical brow “That is your captain's plan?”  _

_ Ava frowned at Jax “Where in the hell are Sara and the others?”  _

_ “That  _ is _ Sara and the others.”  _

_ “What?!”  _

_ “Beebo hungry.” the large doll cried, turning away and running off toward the snarling demon  _

_ Jax smiled at the sight “Man, have I missed you guys.”  _

Sara and Nora didn’t have to run to keep up with the past versions of the audience. They were suddenly on the edge of the battle, watching with the others as Mallus stood on Beebo’s chest.

_ “Beebo can't breathe.” Came the strained voice _

_ It was Ava’s call (“Don't you dare give up on me, Lance!”) that finally brought the doll to its feet. The Legends threw the demon off of their combined form and pounced on him with a battle cry “Bee-bo!” _

_ Jax cheered “Yeah! Come on, that's it! Kick his ass!”  _

_ Beebo tossed the demon over his head, flipped past him, then spun into a strike that sent him clear across the field. The blue creature took up a come-and-get-it stance, taunting the beast.  _

Sara had been doing her best not to laugh and had been holding it together somewhat well until she saw the standoff before her. 

Nora stared at her companion. “You okay, Lance?” 

“I’m sorry,” the captain managed “I know this is serious, but it looks utterly ridiculous from the outside.” 

_ Mallus got to his feet and snarled “Hmm. Not even the six can stop me now.”  _

_ “Wauh!” cried the doll, running and giggling before meeting Mallus in mid-air “Beebo want cuddle.”  _

_ The monster squirmed in the toy’s grip “No!”  _

_ Beebo laughed with a maniacal “Whee!” as the pair crashed to the ground, resulting in a blue explosion that left a crater and shook its bystanders.  _

_ “Guys? Guys!” Jax was the first one to the edge of the crash site, unaware of the astral women at either side of himself.  _

_ The Legends stood, coughing, at the bottom of the pit as blue fuzz and white stuffing rained down around them.  _

_ “Are you all right?”  _

_ “Guys, we did it.” Zari managed to sound both put off and victorious in a way that only the sarcastic hacker could “Our totems united to create a single furry love child.”  _

_ Mick looked to the sky “Worst orgy ever.”  _

_ Nora’s past self whispered “Dad.”  _

_ “Uh, I'm sorry, Nora.” Ray offered “He died a good man.”  _

_ “Damnation. Now I just have seen” Jonah spat “about everything.” _

_ “So wait. Wha- That's it?” Ava called “You destroyed the demon?”  _

_ The Wild West version of Sara smiled in relief.  _

_ Amaya looked away from Kuasa “I'm just glad the ancestors aren't here to see this.”  _

_ “Yeah,” agreed the captain “but Rip would be proud.”  _

_ The Legends and their allies cheered. Those with the totems crowded in the center, Nate even going so far as to trap their hot-headed friend in a hug and scream “We did it, Mick!”  _

_ “Get off of me!” the grumpy man knocked half of his team to the ground as he shoved his way out of the hug.  _

Sara wiped at her eyes as she watched herself and her teammates climb out of the crater they’d made and help clean up Jonah’s town. She stopped watching to frown at Nora “Why are we still here?” 

“Because you’re not finished yet.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“John said it was his spell, but your mind would be the driver. There must be something else here that you need to see.” 

“Like Ray giving you the time stone? Because I already know about that.” 

“No,” Nora stepped closer and grabbed the totem where it lay against Sara’s skin, “I think it has to do with this.”

Sara started to step back but forced herself to be still. Nora knew, there was no hiding now. 

“How long have you been wearing this?” 

“Since after the pirates attacked.” 

Nora released the pendant and made a knowing face. “Your miraculous recovery.” 

“I know, I shouldn’t have given in to it-”

“No, I think you should’ve.” 

“Explain.” 

“Mallus couldn’t make the totem call out to you, he could only hope that it would and then corrupt its connection to you- that’s why he asked us to place it in your path,”

“The mission in Memphis?”

“Exactly. The thing is, they're too strong for him to influence, or else he would’ve just destroyed them. Instead, he has to corrupt the bearers.”

“I’m not gonna lie, that makes a lot of sense, but it also feels like you’re trying to recruit me again.” 

“So don’t take it from just me. Ask Zari or Amaya or Kuasa or literally any other totem bearer in history.” Nora gestured to the portals opening in town, referring to Sara’s access to the entire timeline “I think Mallus may have been right about your destiny as a totem bearer, even if his intentions were awful.” 

Sara stared out at the field. The call of the totem had felt  _ right,  _ albeit a little off-center. The feeling of it in her palm was pleasant, and when she wore it as a pendant, it fell on her chest just where Ava’s hand was most comforting. Everyone had been so scared for her to put it on the second time, but nothing had happened. It was just a soothing weight that seemed to exist on the same frequency as her very cells. The only variable that changed was the influence of the demon. “That’s why it worked. Mallus wasn’t in my head to corrupt it anymore, so the totem could actually connect with me, like it was meant to.” 

##  \--- The Truth ---

Just like that, the pair were waking up on the floor of the bridge, both now understanding far more than they’d anticipated.

Nyssa and Ava were on their feet the moment Sara’s eyelids fluttered. John cleared the circle as quickly as he could to allow them to be closer to her. She didn’t even get to sit up before she was surrounded and being asked a dozen questions. 

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” insisted the Captain, taking the hands of the women beside her “Calm down. I’m okay.” 

“I’m fine, too. Not that anybody asked.” 

Ava turned and hugged Nora, apologizing and thanking her. 

“So, what’s the verdict, Lance?” 

“No need to get the holy water, John. I’m all clear.” 

“And the totem?” 

Sara’s hand flew to her chest, defensively blocking the necklace from sight, but it was too late. John’s words had already drawn Nyssa and Ava’s attention to it. Nyssa didn’t seem to understand, but Ava was the only one showing real confusion. The Director stood, staring down at Sara. 

“No. No. Sara, why do you have that?” 

“Aves-”

Nora stood, interrupting their eye contact and facing Ava with a serious expression. “It’s okay. I need you to trust her with this.” 

“But she’s wearing the Death Totem! She almost killed her team the first time she wore that thing!” 

“And the times after that she helped defeat Mallus!” Nora argued, silencing her distressed friend “He’s gone. He’s the real reason she lost control that first time, and he’s gone now. That’s what this whole spell just proved. Sara’s connection to the totem can’t be corrupted anymore.” 

“Her connection? What, like they’re bonded? It chose her?” 

“Yes,” said Sara, rising to her feet and guiding Nyssa to do the same. “It chose me. It’s the reason I’m in control of my bloodlust again. It’s been calling to me this whole time and I finally stopped fighting it. And now I’m myself again.” 

Sara stepped around Nora to stand in front of Ava. “Do you trust me?” 

The taller woman hesitated. “I want to. Is it wrong that I’m still afraid?” 

“Not at all. Hell, I’m afraid, too. The only thing I can count on right now is that the people I love will have my back, even if that means knocking me out to keep me from doing something I regret.” Sara gave Nora a small and grateful smile

Nora returned the smile, then fixed her attention on Ava. “Mallus used me to do horrible things, and he would’ve used Sara to do the same, but that would only work because of her connection to the totem in the first place. It’s hers, Ava. Whether we like it or not, the Death Totem is meant for Sara.” 

Ava took a breath and nodded quickly. “Okay. Okay, I trust this. I trust you, both of you. If the Totem is what we need to have our Sara back, then so be it.” 

John and Nora looked away as the couple pulled each other in. 

Nyssa waited a polite amount of time before clearing her throat and gaining the attention of everyone else. “Would anyone like to explain what’s happening before the rest of the Legends return?” 

Sara reached out for Nyssa’s hand “I’d like to lie down for a while, but Ava and I can explain on the way to my room.”

John watched the women start to leave, Nora heading for a different door than the other three. He pushed his long coat back and set his hands on his hips. “Oh, and I’m supposed to do what now?” 

Sara stopped in the hallway and looked back at him, glancing down at the runes on the floor before smirking at him. “Clean up your mess, duh.” 

John chuckled at the sassy blonde as she lead the others away. He went to the Captain’s office and located the strongest alcohol he could. After taking one swig from the bottle, he splashed it onto the floor of the bridge and set to work scrubbing the spell away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the name of Beebo, I compel you to comment!  
Subscribe to know when each chapter is posted.


	16. Exposure

#  16\. Exposure 

Sara had asked to speak with Zari alone when the Legends returned from the mission. She followed the hacker to her quarters and waited patiently as she stripped out of her gear and settled into some comfier clothes. She sat down across from Sara on the bed when she was ready.

“What’s on your mind, Lance?”

Sara took a deep breath and looked down “This isn’t gonna be easy. It’s pretty big news that you might not want to hear.”

Zari feared the worst, thinking that she might be losing yet another family member. “Sara?”

“I… Okay, I’m just gonna show you.” Sara reached into her shirt and pulled the totem free, holding it by the chain and waiting in silence.

Understandably, Zari recoiled. “Whoa, what’s going on?”

“The totem has been calling to me for months, ever since we first brought it onto the ship.”

“Yeah, and we all hallucinated our loved ones right before you kicked everyone’s asses.” Zari snapped “Why do you have that thing?”

“It’s different now. That night, I was corrupted by Mallus. That’s why I didn’t go berserk the other two times I wore it. His influence was gone.” Sara tucked the totem away and looked up at the other woman “I took your advice and had the Wonder Twins check me out. He’s gone. It’s just me and the totem. And it helps, Z. It really helps. I’d been ignoring the call for so long until I just couldn’t anymore. Then I got better.”

“Wait, this was right after the time pirates attack?” Zari stood, eyes wide “I knew it! My totem sensed a new bearer, but I thought it was just Kuasa finding someone. This is why your energy felt so different! Holy— this makes so much sense now.”

“You’re taking this way better than I anticipated.”

“Eh, after your miraculous recovery, I figured the other shoe would drop eventually.”

Sara exhaled in relief.

“Besides, I should be used to you keeping secrets at this point. The totem, Arabic,” Zari teased “Anything else you’d like to tell me?”

“Yes, actually.” Sara feigned a serious expression “I’m a dog person.”

Zari leaned back, eyebrows as high as they could go, “Oh. Yeah, that’s a deal-breaker.”

Sara rolled her eyes with a smile. “Will you help me tell the others?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Z.”

\---

“How’d you get it back from Water Witch?” Mick grumbled under his breath “What’s’er name. Kuasa!”

“I actually don’t know.” Sara confessed “When it calls to me, there’s this annoying ringing sound. It woke me up one night and the totem was back in the box Ray made for it. I was too scared to say anything.”

“So. How does Ava feel about this?” Nate raised his eyebrows, implying that he was also asking if Ava knew

“She’s okay with it. Nora and John checked me out to make sure there was no Mallus left to screw it up. Nyssa and Ava were there, so they trust this. And I get it if you guys don’t, given what happened last time.”

“Zari?”

“Yeah, Nate?”

“How do you and your totem feel?”

Zari rolled her eyes “The totem doesn’t have feelings, but this doesn’t seem like a bad connection to me. I trust Sara.”

The Captain watched Mick, careful to catch any micro expressions “Rory?”

"My offer still stands; if you turn into a witch bitch again," the man smiled "I'll kill you."

Of course, Ray chose that moment to arrive in the galley. “Hey guys. What… what’s going on?”

“I’m not staying for this.” Mick barked, standing and taking his dinner with him as he left.

Nate stood, but seemed unsure if he should leave or not. He looked to Zari, who nodded toward the door. Taking the hint, Nate headed for the hallway.

“Uh oh,” said Ray, still smiling “This isn’t gonna be good news, is it?”

“Yes and no.” Sara motioned for him to sit in one of the recently abandoned chairs.

“What’s this about?” he asked, sitting down and becoming eye level with Sara

“Um, okay,” Sara began to squirm in place, not wanting to walk but unable to hold still “The Death Totem is back on the ship.”

“Oh?”

“I’m wearing it right now.”

Ray’s face fell into a thoughtful neutral.

“I’ve been wearing it since the time pirates attacked.”

The scientist nodded, eyes falling away from Sara.

The captain looked from him to Zari, who gave a thumbs up, then back. “It’s safe now. It’s been helping me control my bloodlust. It was the influence of Mallus that made it… that made me hurt you the first time I wore it.”

“I see.”

“There’s no Mallus left. You can ask Nora; she was there for the spell that proved it.”

“I believe you, Sara.”

“You do?”

“Well, yeah!” Ray perked up, his smile returning as he looked the short woman in the eyes “You’re clearly still you, and if you’ve been wearing it for two days without going bananas, then it must be safe! I’m glad you found a solution, Captain.”

“That’s it? You’re not afraid or upset or anything else?”

“Of course not. According to all reason, there’s no reason to doubt you. Is that all you guys were talking about in here?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Oh, thank god. I thought Mick finally lost it and burned my chore wheel.” 

“No, no. The wheel is fine.” Sara promised, raising a brow at her teammate “Are you fine?”

“Right as rain! Which reminds me, I was supposed to be getting popcorn for Nora and I’s movie night. Gideon?”

“Already on it.”

“Excellent!” Ray walked past the women with a polite “s’cuse me, ladies” and waited near the food fabricator

Sara continued to face the dining portion of the galley, unable to move. She didn’t even look when Zari stepped up behind her.

“You good, Lance?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t expect him to be so calm about that.”

“Who? Ray? The human golden retriever?”

“I’m not saying it was out of character, just doesn’t fit the situation is all.”

Zari sighed and stepped around her captain, facing the blonde and waiting for eye contact before speaking. “You anticipated the worst, because you always do, and instead you got the best. I know you’re not used to things just working out like that, but sometimes you have to take the win and call it a day.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I should go tell Nyssa and Ava that everyone took the news so well.”

“Nyssa  _ and  _ Ava?”

Sara gave the younger woman a gentle push “Shut up.” 

\---

Sara tried her best to take the win, but her mind just wouldn’t let it go. She barely touched her dinner, half-assed her workout, and failed to fall asleep because of it. Sure, it was always normal for Ray to focus on the good in everything, but Sara had nearly killed him the first time she wore the totem. Either Ray had zero sense of self preservation, or Sara was missing something.

And that’s why she found herself standing outside of his room during the time in Gideon’s light cycle when they should all be sleeping. She knocked on the door before she could lose her nerve.

The engineer opened the door and blinked groggily. “Captain? Everything okay?”

“No. I mean, yes! I just… need to talk to you.”

“Okay. Should we go to the galley? Or your office? I’d invite you in, but Nora’s asleep.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Ray stepped out and closed the door behind himself. “Lead the way.”

Sara took a deep breath and exhaled, heading for the galley. Her hands fidgeted in front of her body as she walked “I’m… I know you said you’re fine with me using the totem. And I believe you. You’re a great guy, Ray, so I believe that you’d put my wishes ahead of yours, but… see, the thing is… I really don’t want you to.”

“Captain--”

“Please, let me finish.” Sara opened the galley door “I want you to be honest. Don’t spare my feelings. Don’t bend the truth for my comfort. Or any of that other good guy chivalrous stuff you do.

“If you want me to find a different solution to my bloodlust, I’ll do it.” Sara promised, pacing the floor as Ray sat at the table “I’ll go with Nyssa to Japan and get actual Lotus elixir. I’ll let John try a spell or two. I might even ask Nora to take a crack at it. Whatever. The point is, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, and if that means solving this problem the hard way, then so be it.”

Ray sat in silence as Sara stopped near the far end of the dining area. His eyes widened as hers narrowed “Oh, my turn now?”

“Yeah. Please.”

“Okay! Well, as far as solving the problem the hard way goes, I feel like you already tried that. This seems to be not only the easy way, but also the right way.”

“How can you say that? The first time I wore the totem, Mallus made me unleash my bloodlust on you and it almost worked. I almost killed you. And then when you and Ava and Nora tried to talk to me in the office, I attacked you. I’ve hurt you, physically, more than anyone else on this ship. How can you still trust me?”

“Because it wasn’t you that hurt me, either time. It was a demon and a magical behavior disorder. Nora told me what she saw and felt during your quasi vision quest together. I understand that the totem is not evil, and neither are you. If it will help you control your bloodlust and can help us if Mallus ever becomes a problem again, I’m all for it.” Ray stood and walked toward his teammate “Plus, you’re healthy again, Sara. Coping with your bloodlust without the totem was killing you. Literally. I hated watching you fall apart this whole time- you’re my family. If the totem helps, I  _ want _ you to use it. Please.”

Sara wrapped her arms around the large man and held tight.

If Ray felt tears on his shirt, he’d never admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 comment = 1 hug for Sara!


	17. Belonging

# 17\. Belonging 

Nyssa approached the office, cloak in hand, and stopped just outside of Sara and Ava’s line of sight. They were sitting on the couch, drinking and talking, both more relaxed than Nyssa had seen them in weeks. Was it wrong to interrupt?

Sara looked up as Nyssa climbed the steps into the room. She knew that look on the other woman’s face and set her drink aside. “Nyssa? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Nyssa felt her resolve weakened as Ava turned and frowned, “It’s just that I’ve made a decision and I thought I should inform you both.”

Ava set her drink down and shifted to face Nyssa “What is it?”

“It’s time now,” Nyssa exhaled a shaky breath “For me to go.”

“What?” Ava stood and stared at the dark-haired woman; eyes wide with urgency “No!”

Nyssa was too stunned to continue her planned speech. She’d anticipated some resistance from Sara, but this was the opposite of what she’d expected Ava to do. “I- I don’t understand. You want me to stay?”

“Well,” Ava made a halfhearted attempt to look back at Sara, but some part of her was worried that Nyssa would disappear the second Ava stopped watching her “Yeah. I thought you’d want to. There’s nothing keeping you away from Sara anymore, now that the League is gone, and this - joining the Legends - would be the perfect way to use your skill set for good.”

“Ava, I…” Nyssa brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear, stepping closer to the other women. She still hadn’t dared to look at Sara. “I thought you’d want me to stay away. To stay out of the way.”

“No. I mean, no, I don’t want you and Sara to run away together, but I also don’t want you to run away alone.”

“I feel like such a fool. This whole time, I thought you and I were only forming a temporary alliance. For Sara.”

“It didn’t feel temporary to me.” Ava confessed, “I thought we were becoming friends.”

Nyssa blushed as she looked down at her boots. “I’m still not sure how having a friend really works.”

“Neither am I.” Ava chuckled “Wanna figure it out together?”

“Oh my god!” Sara cried, exasperated. She’d been watching the other two go back and forth, hoping that one of them would be brave enough to be honest, only to have them come to the conclusion of _friends?! _Hell no. Sara stood and stared back at the women who blinked at her. “If one of you doesn’t admit to having feelings for the other in the next 3 minutes, I’m locking you both in here for the rest of the night.”

“I beg your pardon.” “What?! Sara, that’s crazy!”

Sara raised her brows at the pair, allowing the silence to do all the interrogating for her.

Nyssa and Ava looked back at one another at the exact same time, both as hesitant as children.

“Is there truth to what she said?” 

“There could be.” Ava squirmed under the dark-eyed gaze “Would that be okay?”

“Yes.”

Sara could practically hear their hearts racing. She realized then that neither one knew how to proceed. With an eye-roll, Sara put her hands on each woman’s back and said, “This is the part where you kiss each other.”

Both too tired of fighting their feelings, they followed Sara’s lead without question. They hadn’t thought it could feel so _right. _

Nyssa had always thought she would never love again, because she would never be able to let go of Sara. This way, she didn’t have to. The heart she’d once thought to be shriveled and cold was now full and warm. She could love them both. She already did. She loved them because they saw more in her than just “Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter”. They saw her as a person, as a woman, and she loved the way they both made her feel more real than she’d ever thought possible.

Ava didn’t know how many of her memories of past relationships were real or not. She always feared that she wouldn’t know it if her relationship with Sara was changing because she couldn’t trust her frame of reference. That suddenly didn’t matter anymore. The way she felt about Nyssa was different than how she felt about Sara, but both feelings were just as strong and just as powerful and just as _good. _And they were entirely her own, cloning be damned!

Sara exhaled in relief. She knew they’d come to love each other, but as her battle with bloodlust became worse and worse, she worried that she might lose them both. That they’d come to love each other more, and that their love for her would be replaced by fear. She was sure she’d be alone with her demons. Then she saw Nyssa try to leave for the sake of Sara and Ava, and Ava try to convince her to stay for the sake of Sara and Nyssa. She watched them kiss, holding one another so tenderly yet so eagerly. She felt the love in their eyes as they broke apart to see each other. She felt their love for her grow as they turned to look at Sara. In spontaneous unison, they reached out to her. Sara had never felt so whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to leave your final thoughts and feelings below!


	18. Epilogue

# Epilogue

_-Two Months Later-_

Sara knelt in the damp grass in front of her sister’s grave, setting a dozen flowers against the stone. “Hey, Laurel.”

The wind blew, sharp and cold against Sara’s face, making her wonder if her sister could hear her. She shook the notion away.

“You were right about the totem being a blessing in disguise. I’ve got superpowers now! It sounds cooler than it is.” Sara picked at the weeds that had grown up around the site. “I can tell when someone’s going to kill. And I can make someone want to kill someone else. I still haven’t figured out how to do that second one on command. It seems to only happen when my team is in real danger. I guess being able to talk to the dead is a cool power, but I haven’t been able to get in contact with you or Martin or Snart, so it feels more like it’s there to help others without much benefit to myself.”

Sara sighed as another breeze rustled the foliage. “Enough about work! You’ll never believe the turn my personal life has taken. I’m still dating Ava, but now we’re both dating Nyssa. Together. Exclusively, just not monogamously.”

Sara swore she could hear her sister laughing in the wind. “Yeah, you’d love to see us together. They’re both so good at making me blush. I can’t tell if I love it or hate it.”

Sara shifted her weight from her feet to her knees, pressing them into the soft earth. “I like having Nyssa around whenever I miss you. She tells me stories about training you and stuff. It makes you feel close.”

A canary flew by overhead, calling out to its mate, and Sara lost the battle she’d been fighting against her own tears. The saltwater began to spill onto the dirt, blinding Sara to the crumbling that had started all around her. It started slowly, little pockets of dirt here and there, then it happened all at once and Sara gasped as the ground beneath her sank several inches. She blinked to clear her vision and saw that she had somehow begun to sink into her sister’s grave. Cursing, Sara scrambled backwards out of the plot. She felt her back bump into something and froze. Those were legs; human legs. Someone was behind her. Someone had been watching her visit her sister. They might have been the reason the ground tried to swallow her. Sara stood and spun into a fighting stance, only to be assaulted by the sight that she took in.

Blonde hair floated on the breeze as a dirt-covered woman stood in her Sunday best and squinted against the sunlight. She raised a slender hand to shield her eyes from the harsh brightness, blinking until she recognized the woman in front of her. “Sare-bear?”

The warrior’s stance trembled as she stared in disbelief. “Laurel?”

“It’s me. Your Laurel,” promised the older woman. She turned her head left and right, trying to place their surroundings. “Where are we?”

Sara couldn’t answer. Not yet. She reached out and pressed her fingertips to her sister’s shoulder, still not sure if she could believe what she was seeing. “You’re real? You’re here?”

“Yeah, we’ve established that, but where is here?” Laurel turned, her back to Sara as she tried to figure it out “Are we in Star City?”

“Laurel,” Sara reached out for her sister’s arm, nearly crying out at the feeling of warmth in her skin. “Laurel, you’re… Do you feel different?”

“What do you mean?” Laurel turned, facing her sister as the wind blew strong through the trees. The older Lance shivered, then froze. She looked behind the shorter blonde at the sunken grave bearing her own name. “Sara, I... The wind was cold. And I felt it. I felt the cold.”

“You did,”

“I haven’t felt a breeze since…” the lawyer’s eyes began to water “Sara... Oh, my god. Sara, am I… alive?”

Sara put her hand to Laurel’s chest and both sisters felt their breath catch. “You’re alive.”

“How?”

Sara touched her totem where it lay below her neck. The small object seemed to hum with power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, yes, a sequel is on the table. Nothing concrete yet, just some ideas floating around my brain.   
Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see if I ever actually write a second installment of this story.   
Thank you again for sticking with me and Sara through this journey!


End file.
